Monday, March 26, 2012

Sehr frühe Schwangerschaft

This is a difficult post to write. I've been avoiding it since last week. I just got off the phone with my mom.

You may have noticed that I've been a little vague the last few days. That was partly because it was the weekend and I was busy, and partly because I haven't known how to share this news with you. I've read this on other blogs and it has made my heart sink and my guts wrench.

I got a BFP.

I thought that I was seeing lines on the cheapies, so I went and got a box of three FRER tests. I tested on Friday again, like I had been testing all week. I saw the line on the cheapie, but DH didn't see it. So, before he left, I went up to my saved FMU (gross, I know) and dipped in the FRER. After a few minutes, there was a faint line. I showed it to DH and he saw the line too.

I tested again on Saturday with a FRER and got a darker line. Of course, DH and I have been very excited while simultaneously terrified of anything going wrong. I've been testing with cheapies the last couple of days and am still seeing faint lines, although they are getting a little darker. Today I went in for the blood test, and it was positive. Beta is 113. I go in next week for another blood test and an ultrasound to see if there is a heart beat.

I started this blog because I was tired of seeing other people's TTC journey's come to an end. I would follow along with them, and then, when they got that BFP, I would stop reading or just to the blog version of the lurk. I decided that I needed a way to tell my story, even if it was to the ethernet and no one else.

Now, here I am with the thing that I have been working for, hoping and praying for and I feel a little bad about starting this blog. It will probably change in tone if those lines keep showing up. I am excited, but terrified at the same time. Not of being a mother, but of finally getting my BFP and not getting a baby at the end of it. This blog is one of the first in line for getting the news, after DH, my mom, and a couple of good friends. I don't intend on telling anyone else before hearing a heartbeat, and maybe not even then. I may wait a while longer just to be sure this thing isn't going anywhere.

If you have been reading and decide to stop, I completely understand. I've enjoyed having this one-sided conversation and will go on with it for as long as it feels like a good thing to do. If you decide to stick with me, great! I hope to hear more from you as the time goes on.

So, that's my news. On a personal front, I am ecstatic, but any readers have been on my mind because I know how it feels for me to here someone else's good news. I hope to be sensitive and I hope you'll be understanding.

Thank you.

CD 29, 17 dp trigger. BFP, beta 113.