Bee and I just got back from visiting my parents in Montana on Tuesday morning after two very long flights with one very awake little girl. Bee slept a total of 1:20 in about 20 hours. She is a determined one! I'm very glad to be home and to be getting closer to done with jet lag.
My grandmother passed away in July and the funeral was while we were home, so it was great to be able to attend that and help my mom out with some of the planning. Bee loved the party atmosphere and kept asking to have a party every day, even after people had left. She came out of her shell with my family and opened up, which was wonderful to see.
Bee starts German kindergarten in 16 days. It's more like daycare than kindergarten as Americans know it. Boy am I ready for her to go! She has so much energy and wants to, as she puts it, "play and play and play!" It wears me out, especially since there's no family here to help me out.
On the baby #2 front, things are not looking good. I did one cycle with a doctor in Nuremberg, but I knew from around CD 16 it was not going to work. He increased my dosage, he had me continue injections, but I just felt that it was doomed. I did the trigger on CD 22 and got my period a day or two after I arrived in the States, on the same day a good friend got her positive test after a miscarriage. So hard.
While I was home my cousin, who got pregnant with her son while I was doing treatments for Bee, told me that she was going to plan on having another baby when her husband gets home from deployment. The fact that it could be that easy for some people is another kind of blow. Just hearing that again, it's tough.
It doesn't help that youtube and the rest of the internet knows what I'm thinking and I'm being bombarded with pregnancy and ovulation test ads. Lay off internet!!!
DH and I talked about things before I left. I think we are going to be done. Done trying, done hoping against hope. Done fighting with the insurance company. Done with injections and scrambling for childcare for fertility appointments. Just done. I keep hoping for a miracle, but I don't see one on the horizon.
After this cycle that I am currently on in which my body starting producing beautiful EWCM the day before I flew home and has yet to drop an egg, DH will be scheduling a vasectomy. I want to let go of this part and enjoy life as it is. Stop thinking about the sibling that is not coming.
So, that's the plan. On to life with an only child!
Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts
Saturday, August 29, 2015
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Trying again.
Bee is two, almost 2 1/2. Last April, DH and I started not preventing, just to see what would happen. I got another prescription for Metformin, although I didn't really take any. Life went along. My cycles were fairly regular for a while, and then slowly but surely they got longer. This March I went to my new doctor in a new town (we moved again within Germany last July). I told her we had been trying a year with no success. I was referred to a gyn. I did one cycle where I showed up with a 16mm follicle and got a trigger shot within a couple of days. No luck. The next cycle (the current one) I got the vag cam a couple of times. At CD 16, my biggest follicle was 10 mm. So, now I'm on CD 41, having ovulated last weekend. I have a referral to an infertility specialist in Nuremberg for 19 June, the day after we get back from vacation. I don't have high hopes because I'll be 2ish weeks into that cycle and I'm leaving in August to go back to the States for three weeks to visit my parents. And if I have another baby, I want it to be in Germany because of several various reasons.
So this is my plan. I will give it until 1 October of this year/finish out whatever treatment I'm on as of 1 October. If nothing happens, I'll go back to not preventing. If still nothing happens (which it probably won't), then we'll close up shop and be happy with one.
So this is my plan. I will give it until 1 October of this year/finish out whatever treatment I'm on as of 1 October. If nothing happens, I'll go back to not preventing. If still nothing happens (which it probably won't), then we'll close up shop and be happy with one.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Sommerzeit oder daylight saving time
Today is the time change here in Europe. We are behind the States for the changeover. I'm not sure why, but that's the way it is.
This weekend has been pretty nice so far. I went to a quilting class yesterday and then came home and went for a run. It was a good way to spend a Saturday.
The blood test is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to the results with bated breath. DH leaves tomorrow for a conference and will be back Friday. I'm bummed that he won't be around for the results of the blood test, but that's the way it goes. It will be nice to have the week to myself.
I'll post once I get those results. Hopefully it will be tomorrow, but I've never done this before so I don't know how long their lab will take.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend!
This weekend has been pretty nice so far. I went to a quilting class yesterday and then came home and went for a run. It was a good way to spend a Saturday.
The blood test is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to the results with bated breath. DH leaves tomorrow for a conference and will be back Friday. I'm bummed that he won't be around for the results of the blood test, but that's the way it goes. It will be nice to have the week to myself.
I'll post once I get those results. Hopefully it will be tomorrow, but I've never done this before so I don't know how long their lab will take.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend!
Monday, March 19, 2012
The journey to now, part one, oder Reise zum Teil jetzt zwei
If you didn't read the first part, you can find it here.
It was so frustrating....
On 11 May, we flew with our suitcases and our cats and, at least for me, without enthusiasm or patience. I didn't want to be back in Germany. I wanted to be close to home, to Mom and Dad, because I expected to be getting pregnant soon and wanted to be close enough for my parents to get to be grandparents.
We landed on 12 May. It was beautiful weather, and in some ways I relaxed a little bit. Our house in Colorado still hadn't sold, and we would have to establish ourselves in this new community, but at least we were here and could begin the process. On the way from the airport to the new base, I could hear Shadow yowling from the luggage compartment under the bus. Poor thing.
When you get to a new place with the military, they put you in a hotel until you can find housing. In our room, there was a bed, a desk, a dresser, and one chair. It was DH and I and the two cats in that room for a month. The cats don't get along that well, so we ended up putting the luggage rack in one corner with a suitcase on top so that Shadow could sleep on there and Moo could sleep on the bed with us.
We went about getting settled. When you move overseas, there are a lot of things to do to establish normal life in your new location. There are driver's licenses, some basic language classes, finding a home, getting put into the medical system at the new MTF. Lots to do. We moved into our house (the only one that we had been able to look at) in the middle of June. At the end of June, I finally got in to see the OB/GYN on post. This was the next step in the referral process.
This doctor seemed nice enough, but he was dismissive of what I had been doing to try to help things along. We hadn't been trying quite a year at that point, so he seemed hesitant to work with us, but since I had been diagnosed with PCOS he deigned to give us his expertise. I'll call him Dr. Insensitive.
Dr. Insensitive told me to stop charting, that that didn't do anything anyway. He didn't seem to like that I was on Metformin, but refilled the prescription since I had already been taking it for six months. He prescribed Clomid at 50 mg, told me to get a blood test on CD 21, and we would go from there. He was very sure that I would be able to get pregnant, no problem.
I didn't stop charting, mostly because it's one of the very few things that makes me feel like I have some control over this process. Round one of Clomid was determined to be non-ovulatory by blood test. I was given another round at 50 mg. Same result. The next round was 100 mg, and that was determined to be a proper dosage, due to the bloodwork. That was August. I did another 100 mg cycle in September during which I know that I ovulated late, but Dr. Insensitive had stopped ordering blood tests since one came back positive at 100 mg.
Early September of 2011, my mom had had surgery on her stomach to repair some lingering problems from childhood. The surgery didn't go well and she had another one three weeks later. After I heard about the second surgery being scheduled, I went ahead and got a ticket back home. I left in early October and returned in early November. Those cycles I did not take Clomid; October, because DH stayed in Germany and November because I didn't have access to the medication early enough in my cycle.
In December, I called Dr. Insensitive's office. I hadn't seen him since June and I wanted to have a change in prescription or blood work done to verify ovulation (or lack thereof) or something to move this process along. The receptionist went ahead and scheduled an appointment with the doctor for the week after Christmas. At this point, I felt so discouraged and broken down. We had passed the year mark and the officially infertile status rang loudly in my head.
At our appointment, Dr. Insensitive was, well, insensitive. I told him that the Clomid wasn't working, that I wasn't ovulating. He said that the blood work proved otherwise. I tried to show him my charts and he told me that those were useless and that I really shouldn't bother with them. He asked if I wanted to keep going on Clomid. I said no, but I wouldn't mind trying Femara. He harrumphed at that, and told me to go get an HSG done, and after that, he would put in the referral. His parting words were, "Maybe you won't even need the referral. You could be pregnant by then." His false confidence made me break down. I needed some real hope, not placating words.
DH and I went over to the lab. They used to do HSGs, but didn't any longer because the community that we are in is in the process of shutting down. I had to go to Landstuhl, the big military hospital over here, to get the HSG done. I called them and they said that I should call on CD 1 of my next cycle to schedule the HSG. I was on CD 3, but it couldn't be scheduled for that cycle due to New Year's being in just a couple of days. I had to wait out another cycle.
February came around, and with it, the chance to do the HSG. I called the lab and scheduled the test. I had to get a blood test done for pregnancy beforehand, which is kind of crappy. Dr. Insensitive had put the order in wrong, but the people at Landstuhl were able to work it out. (I got a call the next week, asking if I was going to be in the next day for my HSG. Dr. Insensitive was apparently having some major problems with getting the orders in correctly.)
The HSG was painful. I wouldn't call it excruciating, but I would rather not to have to do it again. I had been researching HSGs as soon as I heard about them, so I pretty much knew what was going to happen. There were four people in the room, six including DH and I. I have gotten to the point that I really don't care who is doing or seeing things, if it's going to help get me pregnant. One tube had some adhesions, but the radiology doc managed to get it to open up and the dye spilled through on both sides. I was uncomfortable for about half an hour afterwards and took it easy for the rest of the day, but was fully recovered very shortly.
After the HSG was done, I called and got the ball rolling on getting the referral the rest of the way through. At the end of February, I finally had my referral in hand. I saw Herr Doktor for the first time on February 27th, 2012.
It's been a long road getting here. I've learned that I need to be my own advocate, that no one else is going to push things as much as I will. I've learned that research can be my best friend. Knowing what the next step typically is is very helpful for me. I can anticipate what is coming next and ask about the next step if the doctor doesn't mention it. I've learned that you have to know the system to be able to use it. Checking and double checking is okay.
Through all of this, I have tried to hold on to hope. Hope is the most elusive, slippery, crazy thing that I've found on this journey. The ups and downs of each cycle and the hope that keeps me going despite so much heartbreak. I hope to get pregnant. I hope to have a healthy baby. I hope to be a mother.
CD 22, 9 dp trigger
It was so frustrating....
On 11 May, we flew with our suitcases and our cats and, at least for me, without enthusiasm or patience. I didn't want to be back in Germany. I wanted to be close to home, to Mom and Dad, because I expected to be getting pregnant soon and wanted to be close enough for my parents to get to be grandparents.
We landed on 12 May. It was beautiful weather, and in some ways I relaxed a little bit. Our house in Colorado still hadn't sold, and we would have to establish ourselves in this new community, but at least we were here and could begin the process. On the way from the airport to the new base, I could hear Shadow yowling from the luggage compartment under the bus. Poor thing.
 |
| Imagine this, but smaller with less chairs. |
We went about getting settled. When you move overseas, there are a lot of things to do to establish normal life in your new location. There are driver's licenses, some basic language classes, finding a home, getting put into the medical system at the new MTF. Lots to do. We moved into our house (the only one that we had been able to look at) in the middle of June. At the end of June, I finally got in to see the OB/GYN on post. This was the next step in the referral process.
This doctor seemed nice enough, but he was dismissive of what I had been doing to try to help things along. We hadn't been trying quite a year at that point, so he seemed hesitant to work with us, but since I had been diagnosed with PCOS he deigned to give us his expertise. I'll call him Dr. Insensitive.
Dr. Insensitive told me to stop charting, that that didn't do anything anyway. He didn't seem to like that I was on Metformin, but refilled the prescription since I had already been taking it for six months. He prescribed Clomid at 50 mg, told me to get a blood test on CD 21, and we would go from there. He was very sure that I would be able to get pregnant, no problem.
 |
| Clomid, the crazy maker |
I didn't stop charting, mostly because it's one of the very few things that makes me feel like I have some control over this process. Round one of Clomid was determined to be non-ovulatory by blood test. I was given another round at 50 mg. Same result. The next round was 100 mg, and that was determined to be a proper dosage, due to the bloodwork. That was August. I did another 100 mg cycle in September during which I know that I ovulated late, but Dr. Insensitive had stopped ordering blood tests since one came back positive at 100 mg.
Early September of 2011, my mom had had surgery on her stomach to repair some lingering problems from childhood. The surgery didn't go well and she had another one three weeks later. After I heard about the second surgery being scheduled, I went ahead and got a ticket back home. I left in early October and returned in early November. Those cycles I did not take Clomid; October, because DH stayed in Germany and November because I didn't have access to the medication early enough in my cycle.
In December, I called Dr. Insensitive's office. I hadn't seen him since June and I wanted to have a change in prescription or blood work done to verify ovulation (or lack thereof) or something to move this process along. The receptionist went ahead and scheduled an appointment with the doctor for the week after Christmas. At this point, I felt so discouraged and broken down. We had passed the year mark and the officially infertile status rang loudly in my head.
At our appointment, Dr. Insensitive was, well, insensitive. I told him that the Clomid wasn't working, that I wasn't ovulating. He said that the blood work proved otherwise. I tried to show him my charts and he told me that those were useless and that I really shouldn't bother with them. He asked if I wanted to keep going on Clomid. I said no, but I wouldn't mind trying Femara. He harrumphed at that, and told me to go get an HSG done, and after that, he would put in the referral. His parting words were, "Maybe you won't even need the referral. You could be pregnant by then." His false confidence made me break down. I needed some real hope, not placating words.
DH and I went over to the lab. They used to do HSGs, but didn't any longer because the community that we are in is in the process of shutting down. I had to go to Landstuhl, the big military hospital over here, to get the HSG done. I called them and they said that I should call on CD 1 of my next cycle to schedule the HSG. I was on CD 3, but it couldn't be scheduled for that cycle due to New Year's being in just a couple of days. I had to wait out another cycle.
February came around, and with it, the chance to do the HSG. I called the lab and scheduled the test. I had to get a blood test done for pregnancy beforehand, which is kind of crappy. Dr. Insensitive had put the order in wrong, but the people at Landstuhl were able to work it out. (I got a call the next week, asking if I was going to be in the next day for my HSG. Dr. Insensitive was apparently having some major problems with getting the orders in correctly.)
 |
| Ouch |
After the HSG was done, I called and got the ball rolling on getting the referral the rest of the way through. At the end of February, I finally had my referral in hand. I saw Herr Doktor for the first time on February 27th, 2012.
It's been a long road getting here. I've learned that I need to be my own advocate, that no one else is going to push things as much as I will. I've learned that research can be my best friend. Knowing what the next step typically is is very helpful for me. I can anticipate what is coming next and ask about the next step if the doctor doesn't mention it. I've learned that you have to know the system to be able to use it. Checking and double checking is okay.
Through all of this, I have tried to hold on to hope. Hope is the most elusive, slippery, crazy thing that I've found on this journey. The ups and downs of each cycle and the hope that keeps me going despite so much heartbreak. I hope to get pregnant. I hope to have a healthy baby. I hope to be a mother.
CD 22, 9 dp trigger
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Mein Fehler oder my mistake
I've been back in Germany since last May and have been trying to make friends. It's hard though, with all of the fertility stuff and not sharing that with people. It's a big part of my life right now and it's difficult to open up enough to someone to start a friendly relationship while keeping a huge part of my life under wraps.
I've been trying to schedule stuff to do during this 2WW. Tomorrow I am going to a quilt guild meeting. I invited someone that I barely know, but am friendly with, to come with me. We have to leave at around 8 am to get there in time because it's a bit of a long drive. She and I were chatting back and forth last night about it, but neither of us mentioned exactly when this would happen. This morning I got a message from her saying that taking a shower had exhausted her. I thought this was weird and didn't respond. About an hour later, I went back to fb and saw that she had thought today was the day of the meeting. I thought that was weird, so went back and looked at our conversation. Sure enough, I had put that the meeting was Wednesday instead of Thursday. I feel terrible! I contacted her as soon as I noticed and apologized. We'll see if she decides to come tomorrow or not. I hope I haven't blown it.
It's so easy to get so caught up in what is going on with me that the rest of the world takes a back seat. I'm so concentrated on injections and timing and how exactly to take progesterone and being angry at my thermometer that I forget that there are seven billion other people on the planet that have concerns and struggles and feelings that have nothing to do with my fertility. I'm going try to take this incident as a reminder and be more aware of and sensitive to others.
Or at least, make sure I have my own shit together.
CD 17, 4 dp trigger
I've been trying to schedule stuff to do during this 2WW. Tomorrow I am going to a quilt guild meeting. I invited someone that I barely know, but am friendly with, to come with me. We have to leave at around 8 am to get there in time because it's a bit of a long drive. She and I were chatting back and forth last night about it, but neither of us mentioned exactly when this would happen. This morning I got a message from her saying that taking a shower had exhausted her. I thought this was weird and didn't respond. About an hour later, I went back to fb and saw that she had thought today was the day of the meeting. I thought that was weird, so went back and looked at our conversation. Sure enough, I had put that the meeting was Wednesday instead of Thursday. I feel terrible! I contacted her as soon as I noticed and apologized. We'll see if she decides to come tomorrow or not. I hope I haven't blown it. |
| Yes, yes it is. |
Or at least, make sure I have my own shit together.
CD 17, 4 dp trigger
Monday, March 12, 2012
The two week wait begins, oder die zwei Wochen Wartezeit beginnt
Another two week wait. This one is the first one where I have been jabbing myself for the whole cycle, so maybe I'll have a better chance this time. This is what I always tell myself. The maybe I have a chance part, not the jabbing myself part, just in case you think that I am a regular injectable drug user.
The weekend went well. DH and I had dinner on Saturday, our actual anniversary. On the way to dinner, we saw an honest to goodness blimp. Not a balloon that looked like a blimp; a real blimp with someone flying it and everything. It wasn't even Goodyear. I've never seen that before. It was cool. Sunday we went to the sauna. The sauna is so relaxing. I did see a couple of preggos, which always bums me out a little bit, but not enough to detract from the rest of the day.
And as for the TTC bit, we did the PODO Saturday and Sunday morning and this morning as well. DH loves this. He wishes we had doctor prescribed morning fun every day. I, on the other hand, am just glad that I don't am not required to have as good a time (if you knOw what I'm saying) for the task at hand. Now we can resume with our regularly scheduled (Ha!) sexy times.
I did take a pregnancy test on Sunday morning, just so that I could see a positive result from the trigger shot. I know it's kind of silly, but it gives me hope that at some point I will see another positive test, and I need hope like that from time to time.
I called Herr Doktor's office this morning to see what the next step is. I need to start taking the progesterone I'll start tomorrow. I want to make really sure that the egg/eggs have left the ovary. Then I go in for a blood test on the 26th at 7 a.m. I'm glad for two whole weeks without any needles, but this is also the hard part of the cycle because there is just a lot of waiting.
Today, though, I'm taking the day off. The last couple of weeks I've been much busier than usual and last week especially was stressful in a variety of ways. So today, I'm just hanging out at home. I should go for a run, and I might do that later, but so far I am just watching TV and not thinking about much. Or trying not to.
CD 15, two dp trigger
Friday, March 9, 2012
Prüfen Sie die Eier, aka: Checking the eggs (Part 3)
Another u/s today. I had hoped that my follicles would be growing a little faster by now. Last night I Dr. Googled "average follicle growth per day on Follistim" and other similar phrases. It looks like for a lot of people, they grow 2mm per day and the closer to ovulation, the faster the growth. My follicles have been growing at about 1mm per day and have been very steady and have not sped up. It kind of seems like it's a normal cycle for me.
I have a feeling that my body doesn't really give a shit about the Follistim at this dose and is giving a big ole "Neener neener! That's not gonna work!" to Herr Doktor. I suspect my dose will be bumped up for the next cycle. I'm tempted to bump it up a little on my own, but so far am resisting.
Herr Doktor was at a conference today so I went to another doctor. We'll call her Frau Doktor. Frau Doktor was very nice and explained all of what she was seeing. My lining is 6 mm and they like to see it at 7 or 8 at trigger time. (I haven't been drinking my tea like I should.) I have one 12mm follie on the left and two 16mm follies on the right. That made me happy to see that there was more than one growing. I hadn't seen that with Herr Doktor. I wouldn't mind seeing Frau Doktor again in the future.
Frau Doktor's secretary, however, is a different story. Whenever she sees anyone at her door, she gives the most aggrieved sigh you can imagine. When I went in, I said good morning, and then told her I was there for an ultrasound. She irritably asked for my name, and I gave it to her. Then she told me to go sit in the waiting room. I hadn't been to this office before, so I asked where the waiting room was. She grumpily informed me that it was down the hall. I give a lot of leeway to people with bad attitudes (I imagine that they might have had a terrible morning, or they have a headache, or they are annoyed by hearing that same stupid song on the radio over and over), but she acted the same way on Monday. She just seems like a sour puss. It made me very glad that Herr Doktor's secretary is very nice.
I am making another two trips to the Apotheke today for more Follistim and waiting for the results of today's blood test to see if I will trigger this weekend or have to go back in for another u/s on Monday. I'm hoping I'll be able to trigger, but suspecting that I will be going back in. Honestly, I don't expect this cycle to work, but I kind of felt that way going in. It's the first round of this new treatment, so I'm not broken hearted at the possibility of it not working at this point and I'm willing to give it a little longer. One of these cycles though will be the one that works.
Thanks to The Cornfed Feminist for the term "pants off dance off".
*Edit* Pants off dance off comes from Robin at Polycystic inside. I've been reading many blogs and got them mixed up. Thanks for the correction.
CD 12
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Update: I just got a call from the clinic. I am to trigger tomorrow and make with the pants off dance off this weekend. That will make DH happy, and it should make for a decent anniversary weekend.
 |
| My ovaries can be real jerks. |
Herr Doktor was at a conference today so I went to another doctor. We'll call her Frau Doktor. Frau Doktor was very nice and explained all of what she was seeing. My lining is 6 mm and they like to see it at 7 or 8 at trigger time. (I haven't been drinking my tea like I should.) I have one 12mm follie on the left and two 16mm follies on the right. That made me happy to see that there was more than one growing. I hadn't seen that with Herr Doktor. I wouldn't mind seeing Frau Doktor again in the future.
 |
| This may be an actual picture of Frau Doktor's secretary. Seriously. |
I am making another two trips to the Apotheke today for more Follistim and waiting for the results of today's blood test to see if I will trigger this weekend or have to go back in for another u/s on Monday. I'm hoping I'll be able to trigger, but suspecting that I will be going back in. Honestly, I don't expect this cycle to work, but I kind of felt that way going in. It's the first round of this new treatment, so I'm not broken hearted at the possibility of it not working at this point and I'm willing to give it a little longer. One of these cycles though will be the one that works.
Thanks to The Cornfed Feminist for the term "pants off dance off".
*Edit* Pants off dance off comes from Robin at Polycystic inside. I've been reading many blogs and got them mixed up. Thanks for the correction.
CD 12
--------
Update: I just got a call from the clinic. I am to trigger tomorrow and make with the pants off dance off this weekend. That will make DH happy, and it should make for a decent anniversary weekend.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Schwangerschaft Ankündigungen oder Pregnancy Announcements
I'm not doing Thankful Thursday today. Why? Because I'm not thankful. I'm a sad, empty, bitter infertile who's pissed off. So that's what I'm going to write about.
Since DH and I decided to start trying, there have been pregnancy announcements from people we know every six to eight weeks. At first, we weren't actually trying, since DH was deployed, so it wasn't really a big deal. And lots of people that were getting pregnant had dealt with infertility, so that was okay. Then DH came back, and every time I heard an announcement, I was crushed, but I told myself I would be the next one announcing. This has not worked so far. (So much for the power of positive thinking!)
Yesterday, as I was stretching after my run, I realized that it had been close to six weeks since the last announcement, (Five actually, but who's counting? Oh yeah, ME!) and I thought to myself that this time I might just be the next one. I haven't thought this for a while, but it could be true this time. I'm shooting myself up with drugs, and I have a doctor regularly sticking his wand (ha!) up into my lady parts, and I'm getting blood draw like I'm starting some sort of food bank for vampires. I might have a chance. Maybe it will be me. I think then the universe sensed something was out of order and decided to redress the balance and remind me that I will not be next.
I got a note on a post from my cousin that she wanted to skype. This is the closest part of my family, physically. She and her husband and 10 month old son live in England. She got pregnant right after they moved there She was the second to announce her pregnancy before DH and I started trying, and I was really happy for her because they had been trying for quite a while. They hadn't started on the medical front yet because they had just gotten health insurance, but that was coming soon. So I was so happy for them. I love her and I am godmother to her son. It has been so nice to have part of the family so close.
She and I skype every couple of weeks or so, so I opened skype and called her. She asked how things were going with me. I told her about all of the appointments and the size of my follicles and showed her my giant bruise from the injections. That is when the universe struck to redress the balance.
She told me that the "physical intimacy in her marriage was lacking"; that they have only been doing the PODO about once a week. Their son is sleeping in bed with them (They aren't co-sleeping, so much as really tired.) and things just haven't been right on that front. They did manage a quickie on Valentine's Day though and she was a week late, so she got a HPT, and sure enough it was positive. Then she went to the doctor for a blood test the next day, and wouldn't you know it, that one was positive too!
I just sat there with a smile frozen on my face. She didn't seem that excited, so I asked her if she was happy about it. She said she was in shock, that she never expected it to happen so fast. Then she talked about how she is going to wait to announce it to the world until after her sister has her baby in June (A previous blow to my heart.), but there are several people she'll tell before then. She tried to change the subject and asked how my mom is doing and said that she would be sure to visit her when she goes back in June, which just killed me because I would be back there now if it weren't for TTC. Then her husband came home, and our call mercifully ended.
Cue crying. Waves of tears. I wept until DH got home, and then he tried to comfort me. It helped a little, but I felt trapped and had to get out. I wanted to get out of my house, out of my town, out of my skin and out of my broken body with its empty womb. I went out and rode my bike. I'm not sure how long, and I'm not sure it helped, but it was something. I just kept replaying it in my head and thinking terrible thoughts. A quickie on Valentine's Day. She'll go back to the States and visit my mother. She'll have two kids before she's 23. They have no money. Why can't we be parents?
It's like a bad dream. I felt (and still feel) sad and numb. I'm so tired of it being other people. I'm also tired of not being able to be happy for others at their good news. I hate being bitter. I hate cutting myself off from people because I can't bear to see their children and the joy that they bring. I hate plastering a smile on my face when I am shattered inside. I just want it to be my turn.
And someday, it will be.
Since DH and I decided to start trying, there have been pregnancy announcements from people we know every six to eight weeks. At first, we weren't actually trying, since DH was deployed, so it wasn't really a big deal. And lots of people that were getting pregnant had dealt with infertility, so that was okay. Then DH came back, and every time I heard an announcement, I was crushed, but I told myself I would be the next one announcing. This has not worked so far. (So much for the power of positive thinking!)
Yesterday, as I was stretching after my run, I realized that it had been close to six weeks since the last announcement, (Five actually, but who's counting? Oh yeah, ME!) and I thought to myself that this time I might just be the next one. I haven't thought this for a while, but it could be true this time. I'm shooting myself up with drugs, and I have a doctor regularly sticking his wand (ha!) up into my lady parts, and I'm getting blood draw like I'm starting some sort of food bank for vampires. I might have a chance. Maybe it will be me. I think then the universe sensed something was out of order and decided to redress the balance and remind me that I will not be next.
 |
| Ha ha! Don't get your hopes up! |
She and I skype every couple of weeks or so, so I opened skype and called her. She asked how things were going with me. I told her about all of the appointments and the size of my follicles and showed her my giant bruise from the injections. That is when the universe struck to redress the balance.
She told me that the "physical intimacy in her marriage was lacking"; that they have only been doing the PODO about once a week. Their son is sleeping in bed with them (They aren't co-sleeping, so much as really tired.) and things just haven't been right on that front. They did manage a quickie on Valentine's Day though and she was a week late, so she got a HPT, and sure enough it was positive. Then she went to the doctor for a blood test the next day, and wouldn't you know it, that one was positive too!
I just sat there with a smile frozen on my face. She didn't seem that excited, so I asked her if she was happy about it. She said she was in shock, that she never expected it to happen so fast. Then she talked about how she is going to wait to announce it to the world until after her sister has her baby in June (A previous blow to my heart.), but there are several people she'll tell before then. She tried to change the subject and asked how my mom is doing and said that she would be sure to visit her when she goes back in June, which just killed me because I would be back there now if it weren't for TTC. Then her husband came home, and our call mercifully ended.
Cue crying. Waves of tears. I wept until DH got home, and then he tried to comfort me. It helped a little, but I felt trapped and had to get out. I wanted to get out of my house, out of my town, out of my skin and out of my broken body with its empty womb. I went out and rode my bike. I'm not sure how long, and I'm not sure it helped, but it was something. I just kept replaying it in my head and thinking terrible thoughts. A quickie on Valentine's Day. She'll go back to the States and visit my mother. She'll have two kids before she's 23. They have no money. Why can't we be parents?
It's like a bad dream. I felt (and still feel) sad and numb. I'm so tired of it being other people. I'm also tired of not being able to be happy for others at their good news. I hate being bitter. I hate cutting myself off from people because I can't bear to see their children and the joy that they bring. I hate plastering a smile on my face when I am shattered inside. I just want it to be my turn.
And someday, it will be.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Prüfen Sie die Eier, aka: Checking the eggs (Part 2)
Today was my second u/s for this cycle. I made it there earlier than last time, but I was still the last one in there. (Dang it! I wonder how early I would have to get there in order not to be last?) I brought some hand sewing with me and that was a nice way to pass the time and be productive simultaneously.
There was a different nurse today, a little woman who looked to be of Asian decent. She didn't speak as much English as the nurse that I've seen before, but it was enough. She jammed a needle in my arm to take some blood. Seriously, she was not gentle. I'm getting a little sick of the blood draws, but hopefully there won't be so many next week.
I went back to the waiting room and then Herr Doktor called me back. When I was taking off my pants, I noticed some drapes folded up the the changing room. I asked if I was supposed to use one. (I didn't notice them last time.) He said I could if I wanted; that the American women sometimes use them, but the German women don't. So, I skipped it. It was really tiny, like a dish cloth, and I didn't use one last time, so what's the difference, right?
The right side had a 14 mm follicle. He said the left side had smaller follicles. I think the left side had one 12 mm. My lining must have been fine, because he didn't mention it. I asked if I could go to the sauna this weekend. He asked why not. I asked if I could keep running. He said that would be fine. I need to have another u/s on Friday, but I'll be going to a different doctor because Herr Doktor will be at a conference in Mannheim. The best part about that is that it won't be as early.
So, now I'm back home. My plan is to go for a run this morning, go to the bakery and pick up some quarkbällchen for breakfast, and then go shopping for a dress for an upcoming military ball. The run and the breakfast, I am looking forward to. The dress shopping, not so much. Balls, blech.
 |
| Imagine this woman as Asian, and you'll get an idea. |
I went back to the waiting room and then Herr Doktor called me back. When I was taking off my pants, I noticed some drapes folded up the the changing room. I asked if I was supposed to use one. (I didn't notice them last time.) He said I could if I wanted; that the American women sometimes use them, but the German women don't. So, I skipped it. It was really tiny, like a dish cloth, and I didn't use one last time, so what's the difference, right?
The right side had a 14 mm follicle. He said the left side had smaller follicles. I think the left side had one 12 mm. My lining must have been fine, because he didn't mention it. I asked if I could go to the sauna this weekend. He asked why not. I asked if I could keep running. He said that would be fine. I need to have another u/s on Friday, but I'll be going to a different doctor because Herr Doktor will be at a conference in Mannheim. The best part about that is that it won't be as early.
 |
| Sure I 'll limit myself to three. |
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
The journey to now, part one, oder Reise zum Teil jetzt ein
I started writing this post last Monday before my first appointment with Herr Doktor. It's a bit long, so I'm going to break it down into two posts. Here is the first part.
------------
It's been a long time getting to today. In about an hour I am heading over to the Women's Clinic in my town to see the professor of reproductive endocrinology and gynecology. Also, today marks the start of a new cycle.
Thinking in earnest about having a baby started a little over two years ago. My husband was deployed, but we had decided it was finally time. I went off birth control. I started taking over the counter prenatal vitamins. I started paying attention to things that I had never, ever even considered like where my cervix was sitting and what was coming out of it. Things were going well. In June of 2010, I started charting. DH came home for R&R and we gave it a go. It was only two weeks and the timing was off, so it didn't happen. No big deal.
I'll be honest with you. During the time leading up to R&R, I had been paying attention to the length of my cycles and there was a hiccup on the horizon. My cycle was going to involve me being on my period when my husband was home. My period at that time usually lasted for a week. Out of two weeks. I know some people don't mind having sex when they are bleeding, but I'm a little more squeamish. It seems icky to me. (Or did then.) So, I took the pill for one cycle to try and control when the bleeding would happen. I waited until a week into my cycle and then started the pill. It didn't really work, but I think that's where things started to go wonky.
The two weeks of R&R were over much to quickly. DH left, and I went back to real life. I started running in July of 2010. I ran my first 5k in September at an embarrassingly slow time (56:35). I bought a dress for my husband's homecoming. I ran another 5k, at a better time. (Not sure what that time was because I didn't have a watch and the race wasn't timed.) November 6, 2010 DH came home from his fourth deployment. It was wonderful to see him. We started trying for realsies.
Meanwhile, between June and November, something strange had happened to my cycles. When I first came off birth control, they were "normal" (But we all know there is no such thing. Only average.) But in June, they shifted. Changed. They were longer. Much longer. My charting showed mountains and valleys instead of the plateaus and buttes I was expecting. The cycles were maddening because I couldn't figure out what was going on. My longest cycle so far was 59 days. June 2010 to August 2010.
Anyway, back to DH and trying. A return from a deployment or long term separation from my husband always institutes a kind of honeymoon period for us. We weren't getting anyway closer to making a baby, but we sure were having fun in the process! (Let me tell you, the process is less fun now.) In November of 2010 I had a 17 day cycle. The next cycle was 57 days. I went to the doctor for my annual pap smear in January 2011. I told him how crazy things had been. He listened. I now realize that this is somewhat of a miracle in a military treatment facility. The doctor put me on Metformin, told me that I needed to take some blood tests and get an ultrasound. All of that got done. DH got a semen analysis. He results were great. Then we got the not so good news. I had PCOS.
You have to know something about me. I am a researcher. If there is something that I am interested in, I will find any information available and use it. I read books, blogs, articles, reviews. Thoroughly. When DH and I were getting ready to buy a house, I did my research. I knew neighborhoods, school districts, and average days on market. I took every piece of information available to me and used it. I'm the same way with TTC.
I had read about PCOS, back when things were hunky-dory, and I had thought, "Thank goodness I don't have that! That must be terrible!" Ah the naivety.
There I am, diagnosed. But, I was on Metformin. That should help things. DH and I went back in to talk with the doctor. He said that he would like to give me a referral to a fertility specialist. This freaked me out a bit. I asked what the steps were on the fertility spectrum. He said for PCOS patients usually the first step is Metformin, then adding Clomid to the mix, followed by birth control pills for a few months to regulate cycles and a few months off of them, trying. After that, artificial insemination and then IVF. This scared me. Lots of pills I could deal with, but going straight from that to physical medical intervention seemed like a big jump in level of care. But, we were a long way from that, so I wasn't really worried.
March 10, 2011 was our 10th anniversary. We got married young (18 for me, 20 for him), but things have worked out and we have a good marriage. We like each other. We get along. We like spending time together, and we like spending time apart. For the 10th anniversary, we went to a very ritzy hotel for the weekend. We had room service, which was a first. We ate breakfast overlooking the lake and the golf course. We spent Saturday in the spa, enjoying the different rooms. It was great.
Around that same time, we were waiting for the next assignment. We had hoped to be in Colorado for at least five years, but the Army had other plans. When DH contacted his branch manager (A kind of a career manager for the Army. They work with assigning you to your next job/location.) about the next step in his career, the branch manager thought that we had just moved in December. So, out of the thirty-two months we were in Colorado, five months were "extra".
Anyway, we were hoping to be in the States somewhere and hopefully close-ish to family. That did not happen. Instead, we got the assignment to Germany with less than sixty days notice from orders being given to the day we would fly. Not only did this throw a wrench into our everyday lives, but it put a hold on further progress with TTC. I got a call about a week before we flew out in May letting me know that I had finally gotten the approval to see an OB/GYN on post, but I couldn't go because by that time my medical records were already cleared and I was officially off their books. It was so frustrating.
------------
I think that's enough for now. I will continue this story sometime. Tomorrow is my second u/s for this cycle. I'm looking forward to see how much further along those follicles are! Grow, follicles, grow!
CD 9
------------
It's been a long time getting to today. In about an hour I am heading over to the Women's Clinic in my town to see the professor of reproductive endocrinology and gynecology. Also, today marks the start of a new cycle.
Thinking in earnest about having a baby started a little over two years ago. My husband was deployed, but we had decided it was finally time. I went off birth control. I started taking over the counter prenatal vitamins. I started paying attention to things that I had never, ever even considered like where my cervix was sitting and what was coming out of it. Things were going well. In June of 2010, I started charting. DH came home for R&R and we gave it a go. It was only two weeks and the timing was off, so it didn't happen. No big deal.I'll be honest with you. During the time leading up to R&R, I had been paying attention to the length of my cycles and there was a hiccup on the horizon. My cycle was going to involve me being on my period when my husband was home. My period at that time usually lasted for a week. Out of two weeks. I know some people don't mind having sex when they are bleeding, but I'm a little more squeamish. It seems icky to me. (Or did then.) So, I took the pill for one cycle to try and control when the bleeding would happen. I waited until a week into my cycle and then started the pill. It didn't really work, but I think that's where things started to go wonky.
The two weeks of R&R were over much to quickly. DH left, and I went back to real life. I started running in July of 2010. I ran my first 5k in September at an embarrassingly slow time (56:35). I bought a dress for my husband's homecoming. I ran another 5k, at a better time. (Not sure what that time was because I didn't have a watch and the race wasn't timed.) November 6, 2010 DH came home from his fourth deployment. It was wonderful to see him. We started trying for realsies.
Meanwhile, between June and November, something strange had happened to my cycles. When I first came off birth control, they were "normal" (But we all know there is no such thing. Only average.) But in June, they shifted. Changed. They were longer. Much longer. My charting showed mountains and valleys instead of the plateaus and buttes I was expecting. The cycles were maddening because I couldn't figure out what was going on. My longest cycle so far was 59 days. June 2010 to August 2010.
Anyway, back to DH and trying. A return from a deployment or long term separation from my husband always institutes a kind of honeymoon period for us. We weren't getting anyway closer to making a baby, but we sure were having fun in the process! (Let me tell you, the process is less fun now.) In November of 2010 I had a 17 day cycle. The next cycle was 57 days. I went to the doctor for my annual pap smear in January 2011. I told him how crazy things had been. He listened. I now realize that this is somewhat of a miracle in a military treatment facility. The doctor put me on Metformin, told me that I needed to take some blood tests and get an ultrasound. All of that got done. DH got a semen analysis. He results were great. Then we got the not so good news. I had PCOS.
You have to know something about me. I am a researcher. If there is something that I am interested in, I will find any information available and use it. I read books, blogs, articles, reviews. Thoroughly. When DH and I were getting ready to buy a house, I did my research. I knew neighborhoods, school districts, and average days on market. I took every piece of information available to me and used it. I'm the same way with TTC.
I had read about PCOS, back when things were hunky-dory, and I had thought, "Thank goodness I don't have that! That must be terrible!" Ah the naivety.
There I am, diagnosed. But, I was on Metformin. That should help things. DH and I went back in to talk with the doctor. He said that he would like to give me a referral to a fertility specialist. This freaked me out a bit. I asked what the steps were on the fertility spectrum. He said for PCOS patients usually the first step is Metformin, then adding Clomid to the mix, followed by birth control pills for a few months to regulate cycles and a few months off of them, trying. After that, artificial insemination and then IVF. This scared me. Lots of pills I could deal with, but going straight from that to physical medical intervention seemed like a big jump in level of care. But, we were a long way from that, so I wasn't really worried.
Around that same time, we were waiting for the next assignment. We had hoped to be in Colorado for at least five years, but the Army had other plans. When DH contacted his branch manager (A kind of a career manager for the Army. They work with assigning you to your next job/location.) about the next step in his career, the branch manager thought that we had just moved in December. So, out of the thirty-two months we were in Colorado, five months were "extra".
Anyway, we were hoping to be in the States somewhere and hopefully close-ish to family. That did not happen. Instead, we got the assignment to Germany with less than sixty days notice from orders being given to the day we would fly. Not only did this throw a wrench into our everyday lives, but it put a hold on further progress with TTC. I got a call about a week before we flew out in May letting me know that I had finally gotten the approval to see an OB/GYN on post, but I couldn't go because by that time my medical records were already cleared and I was officially off their books. It was so frustrating.
------------
I think that's enough for now. I will continue this story sometime. Tomorrow is my second u/s for this cycle. I'm looking forward to see how much further along those follicles are! Grow, follicles, grow!
CD 9
Monday, March 5, 2012
Prüfen Sie die Eier, aka: Checking the eggs
I had a great time at my sewing retreat. I came home to a husband who spent all weekend on the couch and ate pizza or cereal every meal. I think we both had a good weekend.
This morning I had to get up way earlier than normal to get my first u/s this cycle. Day eight seems a bit early to me, but I'd rather too much attention than not enough. I arrived a few minutes before seven, and there was a full waiting room. The order was first come, first served, so I was last, but that worked out just fine.
After being called back, I went into the nurse's office and she made sure that I was me. Then I went into the Herr Doktor's office. He had me go behind a curtain, undress from the waist down, and then come out and hop up on the table and get my legs in the stirrups. (I hate it when they tell you to, "Hop up." It feels so demeaning somehow.) If I had had to do this ten years ago, it would have been really difficult and embarrassing. At this point though, so many doctors and nurses and other health care professionals have had a peek, and DH and I regularly go to the German spas where everyone is naked, so it's not a big deal.
Herr Doktor suited up the transvaginal wand, aka Wanda, and off we went. In the States, they handed me the wand and asked me to insert it. Herr Doktor didn't bother with that, and it was fine. He said my lining looks good (Thank you red raspberry leaf tea!) and said that I have one 10mm follicle on the right ovary and one 12 mm follicle on the left. It may have been the other way around. I'll have to listen better next time. He had me put my pants on, gave me another prescription for Puregon (Follistim), told me my blood work from last time came back with all normal levels and asked me to come back Wednesday for another u/s. Auf wiedersehen, Herr Doktor.
I went into the nurse's office and she gave me the written prescription and drew some blood. Once I was done there, I paid for my parking and went to the Apotheke. They asked me to come back this afternoon and pick up the Follistim, so I did.
On the subject of the Follistim, out of six injections, I only have two giant bruises and one little tiny bruise. Three of the injections didn't bruise at all. I think part of the reason is how long I take to ice the area because when I'm in a hurry, I get a bruise. The other part is that the area to the left of and below my bellybutton must be full of blood vessels that are extra leaky. That's the only place I've bruised. The bruises don't hurt, even when I press on them.
Anyway, another appointment for Wednesday, early again. I'm encouraged by how well my ovaries are behaving so far, so hopefully it will be all good news. I'm looking forward to seeing Wanda again and hopefully she'll give me good news. I have a feeling she and I are going to get to be very good friends.
CD 8
This morning I had to get up way earlier than normal to get my first u/s this cycle. Day eight seems a bit early to me, but I'd rather too much attention than not enough. I arrived a few minutes before seven, and there was a full waiting room. The order was first come, first served, so I was last, but that worked out just fine.
After being called back, I went into the nurse's office and she made sure that I was me. Then I went into the Herr Doktor's office. He had me go behind a curtain, undress from the waist down, and then come out and hop up on the table and get my legs in the stirrups. (I hate it when they tell you to, "Hop up." It feels so demeaning somehow.) If I had had to do this ten years ago, it would have been really difficult and embarrassing. At this point though, so many doctors and nurses and other health care professionals have had a peek, and DH and I regularly go to the German spas where everyone is naked, so it's not a big deal.
 |
| Imagine this, but with a whole body and no drape. |
I went into the nurse's office and she gave me the written prescription and drew some blood. Once I was done there, I paid for my parking and went to the Apotheke. They asked me to come back this afternoon and pick up the Follistim, so I did.
On the subject of the Follistim, out of six injections, I only have two giant bruises and one little tiny bruise. Three of the injections didn't bruise at all. I think part of the reason is how long I take to ice the area because when I'm in a hurry, I get a bruise. The other part is that the area to the left of and below my bellybutton must be full of blood vessels that are extra leaky. That's the only place I've bruised. The bruises don't hurt, even when I press on them.
Anyway, another appointment for Wednesday, early again. I'm encouraged by how well my ovaries are behaving so far, so hopefully it will be all good news. I'm looking forward to seeing Wanda again and hopefully she'll give me good news. I have a feeling she and I are going to get to be very good friends.
CD 8
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Dankbar Donnerstag, aka: Thankful Thursday; Health Insurance.
Thankful Thursday is something that a few of the bloggers that I read do. It seems like a good idea to recount what blessings one has in one's life instead of always focusing on the negatives. There is something to looking at life's abundance to take one's mind off of life's lacks.
Health insurance may sound like a strange thing to be thankful for, but today, that's near the top for me, for several reasons. Today the reason I'm most thankful for health insurance is my mom.
Mom was born with a flap of tissue between her stomach and small intestine. No food was able to get through. She had two surgeries in her first ten days of life to try to correct the problem. They did the best they could, and she was alive, but apparently cried her first couple years of life and could not keep any food down. But, she grew up and life went on.
Fifty some odd years later, there started to be some problems with her stomach and digestion. She always drank tons of Diet Pepsi (I am talking 8 to 10 liters a day!) and food went through her quickly. But now she was having pain sometimes if she ate a heavy meal occasionally so severe she ended up in the emergency room. She went to her doctor and he recommended surgery to fix the problem. It sounded like it would be a pretty easy fix. She went in for surgery the Friday of Labor Day weekend last year. She sent me a message on Facebook before going in bemoaning not being able to play Farmville all weekend. (Oh, Mom.)
I won't bore you with all the details; I'll just give you the broad strokes. Surgery one, Labor Day weekend. It didn't take. Surgery two three weeks later. I showed up about a week after that and stayed for a month. Mom was moved to a different hospital, then discharged at the beginning of November with ongoing issues. Since November she's been in and out of the hospital several times; maybe a dozen. Right now she's at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota and they have determined that she'll have another surgery within the next several weeks and hopefully the problem will be fixed.
This medical drama has been difficult, so say the least, but (!) that health insurance is a godsend. The medical bills total in the hundreds of thousands of dollars right now, and will continue to get higher. Thankfully though, Mom and Dad have not had to pay most of that. I'm pretty sure all they have paid is their deductible. Every time she goes back into the ER, I thank God that her insurance is there.
My dad went through his own medical drama a few years ago. His was heart surgery, also done at the Mayo Clinic. His bills also were in the hundreds of thousands, and he may have to go back for more surgery in the next few years.
For myself, I'm really thankful that with this fertility stuff we have health insurance. Tricare may not be the best system out there, but it is cheap and, if you jump through all of their hoops, they do provide decent care. They have covered everything so far in our process to get pregnant. The only thing they won't cover is "non-coital means of reproduction". This means that they won't cover the actual IUI or IVF procedure, but they will cover all the meds, U/S, and testing. Let me tell you, if we had to pay that out of pocket, we would be trying on our own a lot longer!
So, health insurance is what I'm thankful for today. It may not be the most obvious thing, but when you need it, it is so good to have.
CD 4
Health insurance may sound like a strange thing to be thankful for, but today, that's near the top for me, for several reasons. Today the reason I'm most thankful for health insurance is my mom.
Mom was born with a flap of tissue between her stomach and small intestine. No food was able to get through. She had two surgeries in her first ten days of life to try to correct the problem. They did the best they could, and she was alive, but apparently cried her first couple years of life and could not keep any food down. But, she grew up and life went on.
Fifty some odd years later, there started to be some problems with her stomach and digestion. She always drank tons of Diet Pepsi (I am talking 8 to 10 liters a day!) and food went through her quickly. But now she was having pain sometimes if she ate a heavy meal occasionally so severe she ended up in the emergency room. She went to her doctor and he recommended surgery to fix the problem. It sounded like it would be a pretty easy fix. She went in for surgery the Friday of Labor Day weekend last year. She sent me a message on Facebook before going in bemoaning not being able to play Farmville all weekend. (Oh, Mom.)
I won't bore you with all the details; I'll just give you the broad strokes. Surgery one, Labor Day weekend. It didn't take. Surgery two three weeks later. I showed up about a week after that and stayed for a month. Mom was moved to a different hospital, then discharged at the beginning of November with ongoing issues. Since November she's been in and out of the hospital several times; maybe a dozen. Right now she's at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota and they have determined that she'll have another surgery within the next several weeks and hopefully the problem will be fixed. This medical drama has been difficult, so say the least, but (!) that health insurance is a godsend. The medical bills total in the hundreds of thousands of dollars right now, and will continue to get higher. Thankfully though, Mom and Dad have not had to pay most of that. I'm pretty sure all they have paid is their deductible. Every time she goes back into the ER, I thank God that her insurance is there.
My dad went through his own medical drama a few years ago. His was heart surgery, also done at the Mayo Clinic. His bills also were in the hundreds of thousands, and he may have to go back for more surgery in the next few years.
For myself, I'm really thankful that with this fertility stuff we have health insurance. Tricare may not be the best system out there, but it is cheap and, if you jump through all of their hoops, they do provide decent care. They have covered everything so far in our process to get pregnant. The only thing they won't cover is "non-coital means of reproduction". This means that they won't cover the actual IUI or IVF procedure, but they will cover all the meds, U/S, and testing. Let me tell you, if we had to pay that out of pocket, we would be trying on our own a lot longer!
So, health insurance is what I'm thankful for today. It may not be the most obvious thing, but when you need it, it is so good to have.
CD 4
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Puregon injektion Nummer eins, aka: First Follistim injection.
I started the FSH injections today. I am not a person who is comfortable with needles and blood. Whenever I have to give blood for a test, I look far away from my arm. The person who is drawing blood always asks if I'm okay. I get pale and I am a flincher.
Yesterday, after figuring out how to put together the injection pen, I found a couple videos on Youtube that showed how to do an injection properly. The one from Follistim was really helpful, because it showed me that I should pinch my fat. I think this is more necessary for people who do not have much fat around the middle. This is not a problem I have.
(I hate videos when the hands have a manicure like this. My fingers are rarely manicured, and even when they are, they don't look like this. Can't they skip the french tips? It looks so...sleazy. Like at any moment that woman is going to break out the toys.)
One video, though, freaked me the fuck out. This woman is obviously nervous, but the way she shrieks during the injection made me blood run a little cold. It was funny and scary at the same time.
I read on message boards and blogs that it helps if you numb the area with cold first. So, I got my pen out of the fridge and grabbed my alcohol swabs. Then I got the cold pack out of the freezer and put it on my stomach. I washed my hands and sat down in front of my supplies.
My hands were shaking and I was very nervous. I put on some Modern Family via Hulu so that I would be a little distracted. I cleaned everything I was supposed to, took off the ice pack, pinched my fat, and slid the needle in.
It really wasn't too bad. I felt the needle go in, though, if I didn't know it was happening, I doubt I would have felt it. I let go of my stomach, pushed the plunger, and waited the five seconds. There was a tiny bead of blood, but other than that, really not a big deal.
I'm glad to have the first injection over. I am hoping that that this is the only time in my life that I ever have to do this. I would not want to do this every day for years. This has a very good purpose at the end of it.
This weekend, I'm going to be on a sewing retreat with a bunch of women in the middle of the woods. I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been on one of these for about a year and a half. It will be a good way to get to know some people. I'll have to do two injections while I'm there and I'm hoping I'll be able to find some ice for the numbing, but if not, I'm sure it will be fine.
So, self injection. Not awesome, but not the worst thing ever by far. And Herr Doktor has promised fewer effects than Clomid, so I'm looking forward to that. I don't expect this treatment to work the first time out, because nothing else has, but I am glad to be at this stage.
CD 3
Yesterday, after figuring out how to put together the injection pen, I found a couple videos on Youtube that showed how to do an injection properly. The one from Follistim was really helpful, because it showed me that I should pinch my fat. I think this is more necessary for people who do not have much fat around the middle. This is not a problem I have.
(I hate videos when the hands have a manicure like this. My fingers are rarely manicured, and even when they are, they don't look like this. Can't they skip the french tips? It looks so...sleazy. Like at any moment that woman is going to break out the toys.)
One video, though, freaked me the fuck out. This woman is obviously nervous, but the way she shrieks during the injection made me blood run a little cold. It was funny and scary at the same time.
I read on message boards and blogs that it helps if you numb the area with cold first. So, I got my pen out of the fridge and grabbed my alcohol swabs. Then I got the cold pack out of the freezer and put it on my stomach. I washed my hands and sat down in front of my supplies.
My hands were shaking and I was very nervous. I put on some Modern Family via Hulu so that I would be a little distracted. I cleaned everything I was supposed to, took off the ice pack, pinched my fat, and slid the needle in.
It really wasn't too bad. I felt the needle go in, though, if I didn't know it was happening, I doubt I would have felt it. I let go of my stomach, pushed the plunger, and waited the five seconds. There was a tiny bead of blood, but other than that, really not a big deal.
I'm glad to have the first injection over. I am hoping that that this is the only time in my life that I ever have to do this. I would not want to do this every day for years. This has a very good purpose at the end of it.
This weekend, I'm going to be on a sewing retreat with a bunch of women in the middle of the woods. I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been on one of these for about a year and a half. It will be a good way to get to know some people. I'll have to do two injections while I'm there and I'm hoping I'll be able to find some ice for the numbing, but if not, I'm sure it will be fine.
So, self injection. Not awesome, but not the worst thing ever by far. And Herr Doktor has promised fewer effects than Clomid, so I'm looking forward to that. I don't expect this treatment to work the first time out, because nothing else has, but I am glad to be at this stage.
CD 3
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Besuch in der Apotheke, aka: visit to the pharmacy
Yesterday, after DH and I had finished with Herr Doktor and gotten some lunch, I went to the Apotheke (pharmacy). Actually, first I went home because it was CD 1 and I hadn't taken anything for the pain yet. I got home, took three Advil, called the MTF pharmacy to see if they had the medications (They didn't.), and then headed back out to the Apotheke.
The Apotheke I went to is not in my town. It's not in a town that I have ever been to before for any reason. Now I've been there twice in two days.
I follow the map I've been given by the Tricare office and make it to the general area. I see two Apothekes on my way in, so I find parking and grab my prescriptions and other paperwork and attempt to find the correct Apotheke. I'm looking for Rathaus Apotheke. (The Rathaus is the town hall.) The ones that I see are Center Apotheke and Turm Apotheke. I can't find the Rathaus. My map says that the Rathaus Apotheke is just behind the Rathaus. I'm stumped.
I go into a building that says "Information" on it. I ask the gentleman inside where Rathaus Apotheke is. He points, but all the windows are covered up and says a lot of things in German. He points toward the Center Apotheke, but Turm Apotheke is that way to. Hmmm.... I thank him and go back outside.
I try the door of Center Apotheke. It's locked. Ooookay. I head over to Turm Apotheke. Also locked. And this one looks like it's been locked for a while and may never reopen. So, back to Center I go. Still locked. Then I pull out my map and realize that there is a phone number for Rathaus Apotheke on here. Wonderful! I call the number, and am treated to an answering machine message in German. The only thing I understand is "closed". I hang up. Studying my map closer, I notice it has the hours for Rathaus Apotheke as closed from one p.m. to three p.m. Ah...I forgot about the lunch hour. Germany.
It's about quarter til three, so I go back to my car and read until a little after three. I walk back to Center Apotheke and go in. When I'm called to the counter, I practice the little bit of German I know and tell the woman, "I need medicine," in German. I hand her my prescriptions and she tells me that they have the progesterone, but not the FSH or trigger shot, at first speaking in German, then switching to English when I show her my deer in the headlights look. That one always works. She tells me that I should go back to my town to get the medications because they don't have them there and it will be easier for me. I explain that I was told to come here. I show her my map. She tells me I need the Rathaus Apotheke; this is Central Apotheke. Uh huh.
She kindly shows me which way to go. It isn't far. I thank her profusely and resume walking. I find the building that she said is the Rathaus. It's a school. The building next door is the Rathaus. The Rathaus Apotheke is supposed to be behind the Rathaus. I walk all the way around. No Apotheke.
I walk back the way I came and then a little further down the street. There's a side street I notice. It even has a sign! (This is a rarity in Germany. It's all well and good to have a map with street names, but when only half of the streets are marked, it doesn't do too much good.) It's the street that Rathaus Apotheke is on, according to my map. Sure enough, I walk around the corner, and there it is. Hooray!
(I'm reminding myself between finding the doctor's office and finding the pharmacy that I only have to find them for the first time once. Next time it will be easier.)
I go in and give them my line. "I need medicine." They ask for my papers and I hand them over. We do the routine with the German, deer in headlights look, and then English. They have the progesterone and give that to me. They do not have the FSH or trigger shot. Those will be arriving at 6:15. It's about 3:30. I can pick them up tomorrow if that's more convenient. Great!
Then I ask how to take the progesterone. "Didn't the doctor tell you?"
"Well, he told me to take it and when to take it, but not how many to take or if the time of day when they are taken mattered."
"Let me see your paper." She wants to see the paper I got from the doctor. I hand it over. There's information on there about the FSH and nothing else. She seems a little panicky.
"Do you have the doctor's number?"
"I have it at home."
"Let me give it to you." She's writing it down off of the prescription. I protest a little, but let her do it. I'll see the doctor between now and when I need to take that med, so I'm not worried about it. Okay, great. My meds are on the way, and I'll pick them up either tonight or tomorrow morning.
The next morning:
I putter around since the Apotheke isn't open until 8:30. I head out and get there around 9:15. I park in a closer location and put up my parkschein. (It's a little blue thing that shows when I got there. When you park on the street, you put that in your window instead of having a parking meter next to every space.) I try to go put money in the ticket machine so that I will be legal to park there. My coin jams in the slot. I try to push the button to get a free ticket for thirty minutes. It asks me to "Please numbers". I know what these words mean, but I do not understand. Whatever. I just leave it and go get my meds.
My meds are in. Again, not much information here. I ask if I need to clean the area before injecting. Yes. I buy some alcohol swabs and I'm on my way. No ticket on the car either. Success! I haul ass outta there.
When I get home, I open up the boxes. I've never seen any sort of medication dispensing pen like this before.
There are needles and a vial of medication and the pen thing, but I don't know how to put it all together. And the information packet with it is all, you guessed it, in German! Whatever, I'll get to it later. I head out to the library where I volunteer a couple of times a week.
At the library I ask if the German guy is there today. No. Does anyone else read German? Yes, H and J do. I explain I have some medication that is injectable and I'm not sure how to set it up. H offers to help me read the packet and put the thing together. She asks what it's for. I never know what to do in this situation. I don't want to tell everyone that I'm going to start jabbing myself with medicated needles at home to try and get pregnant, but I really don't know how the hell to put this thing together. I tell her it's personal, and that seems to be okay. To be honest though, I felt really rude.
After I finish at the library, I run home and grab my stuff. I run back to the library where H tries to help me. She's totally intimidated by the language because it's all technical medical stuff and advises me to go back to the pharmacy. I decide to go in the back and see if anyone there can help. M's "gentleman friend" is back there and has spent time nursing an ailing parent. I introduce myself (we've never met before) and ask him to help. He kindly does. I thank him profusely and leave.
Now I'm at home watching videos of follistim injections. I'm totally freaked out. DH offered yesterday to do the injections, but I'm going to be at a retreat this weekend, so I need to figure out how to do it on my own. Tomorrow is the first one. I'm nervous, but I'll try to keep the end in mind.
What a day.
CD 2
The Apotheke I went to is not in my town. It's not in a town that I have ever been to before for any reason. Now I've been there twice in two days.
I follow the map I've been given by the Tricare office and make it to the general area. I see two Apothekes on my way in, so I find parking and grab my prescriptions and other paperwork and attempt to find the correct Apotheke. I'm looking for Rathaus Apotheke. (The Rathaus is the town hall.) The ones that I see are Center Apotheke and Turm Apotheke. I can't find the Rathaus. My map says that the Rathaus Apotheke is just behind the Rathaus. I'm stumped.
I go into a building that says "Information" on it. I ask the gentleman inside where Rathaus Apotheke is. He points, but all the windows are covered up and says a lot of things in German. He points toward the Center Apotheke, but Turm Apotheke is that way to. Hmmm.... I thank him and go back outside.
I try the door of Center Apotheke. It's locked. Ooookay. I head over to Turm Apotheke. Also locked. And this one looks like it's been locked for a while and may never reopen. So, back to Center I go. Still locked. Then I pull out my map and realize that there is a phone number for Rathaus Apotheke on here. Wonderful! I call the number, and am treated to an answering machine message in German. The only thing I understand is "closed". I hang up. Studying my map closer, I notice it has the hours for Rathaus Apotheke as closed from one p.m. to three p.m. Ah...I forgot about the lunch hour. Germany.
It's about quarter til three, so I go back to my car and read until a little after three. I walk back to Center Apotheke and go in. When I'm called to the counter, I practice the little bit of German I know and tell the woman, "I need medicine," in German. I hand her my prescriptions and she tells me that they have the progesterone, but not the FSH or trigger shot, at first speaking in German, then switching to English when I show her my deer in the headlights look. That one always works. She tells me that I should go back to my town to get the medications because they don't have them there and it will be easier for me. I explain that I was told to come here. I show her my map. She tells me I need the Rathaus Apotheke; this is Central Apotheke. Uh huh.
She kindly shows me which way to go. It isn't far. I thank her profusely and resume walking. I find the building that she said is the Rathaus. It's a school. The building next door is the Rathaus. The Rathaus Apotheke is supposed to be behind the Rathaus. I walk all the way around. No Apotheke.
I walk back the way I came and then a little further down the street. There's a side street I notice. It even has a sign! (This is a rarity in Germany. It's all well and good to have a map with street names, but when only half of the streets are marked, it doesn't do too much good.) It's the street that Rathaus Apotheke is on, according to my map. Sure enough, I walk around the corner, and there it is. Hooray!
(I'm reminding myself between finding the doctor's office and finding the pharmacy that I only have to find them for the first time once. Next time it will be easier.)
I go in and give them my line. "I need medicine." They ask for my papers and I hand them over. We do the routine with the German, deer in headlights look, and then English. They have the progesterone and give that to me. They do not have the FSH or trigger shot. Those will be arriving at 6:15. It's about 3:30. I can pick them up tomorrow if that's more convenient. Great!
Then I ask how to take the progesterone. "Didn't the doctor tell you?"
"Well, he told me to take it and when to take it, but not how many to take or if the time of day when they are taken mattered."
"Let me see your paper." She wants to see the paper I got from the doctor. I hand it over. There's information on there about the FSH and nothing else. She seems a little panicky.
"Do you have the doctor's number?"
"I have it at home."
"Let me give it to you." She's writing it down off of the prescription. I protest a little, but let her do it. I'll see the doctor between now and when I need to take that med, so I'm not worried about it. Okay, great. My meds are on the way, and I'll pick them up either tonight or tomorrow morning.
The next morning:
I putter around since the Apotheke isn't open until 8:30. I head out and get there around 9:15. I park in a closer location and put up my parkschein. (It's a little blue thing that shows when I got there. When you park on the street, you put that in your window instead of having a parking meter next to every space.) I try to go put money in the ticket machine so that I will be legal to park there. My coin jams in the slot. I try to push the button to get a free ticket for thirty minutes. It asks me to "Please numbers". I know what these words mean, but I do not understand. Whatever. I just leave it and go get my meds.My meds are in. Again, not much information here. I ask if I need to clean the area before injecting. Yes. I buy some alcohol swabs and I'm on my way. No ticket on the car either. Success! I haul ass outta there.
When I get home, I open up the boxes. I've never seen any sort of medication dispensing pen like this before.
There are needles and a vial of medication and the pen thing, but I don't know how to put it all together. And the information packet with it is all, you guessed it, in German! Whatever, I'll get to it later. I head out to the library where I volunteer a couple of times a week.
At the library I ask if the German guy is there today. No. Does anyone else read German? Yes, H and J do. I explain I have some medication that is injectable and I'm not sure how to set it up. H offers to help me read the packet and put the thing together. She asks what it's for. I never know what to do in this situation. I don't want to tell everyone that I'm going to start jabbing myself with medicated needles at home to try and get pregnant, but I really don't know how the hell to put this thing together. I tell her it's personal, and that seems to be okay. To be honest though, I felt really rude.
After I finish at the library, I run home and grab my stuff. I run back to the library where H tries to help me. She's totally intimidated by the language because it's all technical medical stuff and advises me to go back to the pharmacy. I decide to go in the back and see if anyone there can help. M's "gentleman friend" is back there and has spent time nursing an ailing parent. I introduce myself (we've never met before) and ask him to help. He kindly does. I thank him profusely and leave.
Now I'm at home watching videos of follistim injections. I'm totally freaked out. DH offered yesterday to do the injections, but I'm going to be at a retreat this weekend, so I need to figure out how to do it on my own. Tomorrow is the first one. I'm nervous, but I'll try to keep the end in mind.
What a day.
CD 2
Monday, February 27, 2012
Bitte schön, Knock me up, Herr Doktor aka: first visit to the RE
DH and I went to the RE this morning. Actually, he's the professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology and the Head of the Gynecological Endocrinology and Reproductive Medicine. Quite a mouthful. We'll just call him Herr Doktor for short.
First, we went to the women's clinic next door. DH was coming from work, so we drove separately. The GPS was trying to take me some crazy route, but I pissed it off and made there anyway. So, the women's clinic. I tell the woman at the front desk that we are there to see Herr Doktor. She says fine, but we need to check in at administration. We go into the office after knocking. No one home. There's talking in the office next door, but I'm not sure if she's on the phone or with someone. So, after a little while, I knock on that door. There's someone in there (who I'm pretty sure was a pharmaceutical rep), so we keep waiting. It's about 10 minutes from our appointment. Finally, I can tell the visitor in the office is getting ready to leave. Just as she's wheeling out her suitcase (this is why I'm guessing the pharm rep thing), the office that we originally knocked on is entered by a woman, presumably the office's resident. We are beckoned in and sit down.
"Sprechen Sie Englisch?"
"Nien."
It's always a challenge, being in a country where you don't speak the language.
"I'm here to see Herr Doktor." I hand her my paperwork.
"Ah, Herr Doktor. Go next door to (German words I don't know). You know?"
Alas, I do not know. "No."
"Ah..." while pointing up high and more German.
"Top floor?"
"Ja, in the (German words) building."
Okay. Top floor of some building across the street with German words I don't know. Got it.
We hotfoot it over there and walk around the building, trying to find the words she said. We see a sign that looks promising and follow it down the street. No building that has the German words we were hearing down here. We've gone too far and go back. "Let's just try this building."
We go inside and head into the first office we see. "Herr Doktor?"
"Ja, up two flights." (I'm translating here.)
We head up the two flights and find the sign for Herr Doktor's secretary. We check in, are asked our birth dates and occupations; Hausfrau for me and military for him. Then we're shown to the waiting room. DH heads to the toilet, and I sit down.
Now, I have not been in a civilian waiting room for a long while, so I don't know if it's this way at non-military facilities in the States, but it is quiet in this waiting room. There is a group consisting of one man and two women (maybe mother and daughter, or possibly surrogacy?) and a woman alone. It is completely silent. No one is talking. There is no music. Most amazingly, there is no TV. DH sits back down and the group of three talk a little. We wait, and wait. The woman gets called back. More waiting.....and more. After a while, the group of three gets called back. Waiting...waiting. Another woman shows up, then another couple. They say "Hallo" when they come in. (Oops, guess we were supposed to do that. Oh, well.) More waiting. Finally, after about an hour (not exaggeration, by the way), we get shown into another room.
This room is about the same size as the waiting room and the nurse is in there. She looks like what you imagine nurses to be. White shoes, white shirt, white coat, white pants, white watch. And she has a green scarf. So, we sit in there a while longer, watching the nurse walking between this room and the doctor's office, which is next door. After another ten to fifteen minutes, we are shown into the doctor's office. He introduces himself by his last name only (This must be a German thing.) and we sit down.
Then the questions. First, why are you here? I said the only thing that made sense to me, that I want to have a baby and haven't been able to get pregnant so far. Then the medical questions. Any surgeries? No. Any pregnancies? No. Have you been on Clomid? Yes. How many cycles. Six. You've had the HSG? Yes. And your tubes were clear? Yes, from what I've been told. Was it painful? Yes.
When was the start of your last cycle? Today. I really thought, as I always seem to, that the last cycle was The One. I ovulated on my own in a reasonable amount of time. (Or seemed to.) I was two days late. Some of my PMS symptoms weren't there, and there were some other symptoms that made me hopeful. Alas, it was not to be. I just kept holding on to this appointment as my hope for the future, at least when it comes to making babies.
Now DH's turn. He's pretty good, thankfully. Herr Doktor seems happy with him. At least one of us is okay.
Herr Doktor talks to us about PCOS. He says he's going to put me on FSH. There will be a pen, I will do injections daily. We'll have an ultrasound in a week. Since it's CD1, they can do blood tests without having to wait, so the nurse will take my blood and then we're to stop by the secretary's and schedule the ultrasound.
Another difference from military treatment facilities (MTFs) is that the doctor's nurse is the one taking my blood. At an MTF, they would put the order in and then you would head over to the lab and sit in another waiting room and have the blood draw there. It's kind of nice not to have to go to another office, especially when I am not yet familiar with this hospital. I have a feeling I will get to know it though.
Then we stop by the secretary's office and schedule the ultrasound. 7 a.m. Ugh. I don't have to get up early, and so usually I avoid it. I think this will be worth the effort though. Prescriptions in hand, DH and I head out and get some lunch. I'll go and get the meds after eating something and going home and taking some Advil for these cramps.
So, that was the appointment this morning. And that's what I'm posting for today. I'll get to the pharmacy fun times tomorrow. I'm glad we've finally gotten to this point. It's been a long road, with several unexpected turns. I have hope that there is an end in sight to this path and a new road on the horizon.
CD 1
First, we went to the women's clinic next door. DH was coming from work, so we drove separately. The GPS was trying to take me some crazy route, but I pissed it off and made there anyway. So, the women's clinic. I tell the woman at the front desk that we are there to see Herr Doktor. She says fine, but we need to check in at administration. We go into the office after knocking. No one home. There's talking in the office next door, but I'm not sure if she's on the phone or with someone. So, after a little while, I knock on that door. There's someone in there (who I'm pretty sure was a pharmaceutical rep), so we keep waiting. It's about 10 minutes from our appointment. Finally, I can tell the visitor in the office is getting ready to leave. Just as she's wheeling out her suitcase (this is why I'm guessing the pharm rep thing), the office that we originally knocked on is entered by a woman, presumably the office's resident. We are beckoned in and sit down.
"Sprechen Sie Englisch?"
"Nien."
It's always a challenge, being in a country where you don't speak the language.
"I'm here to see Herr Doktor." I hand her my paperwork.
"Ah, Herr Doktor. Go next door to (German words I don't know). You know?"
Alas, I do not know. "No."
"Ah..." while pointing up high and more German.
"Top floor?"
"Ja, in the (German words) building."
Okay. Top floor of some building across the street with German words I don't know. Got it.
We hotfoot it over there and walk around the building, trying to find the words she said. We see a sign that looks promising and follow it down the street. No building that has the German words we were hearing down here. We've gone too far and go back. "Let's just try this building."
We go inside and head into the first office we see. "Herr Doktor?"
"Ja, up two flights." (I'm translating here.)
We head up the two flights and find the sign for Herr Doktor's secretary. We check in, are asked our birth dates and occupations; Hausfrau for me and military for him. Then we're shown to the waiting room. DH heads to the toilet, and I sit down.
Now, I have not been in a civilian waiting room for a long while, so I don't know if it's this way at non-military facilities in the States, but it is quiet in this waiting room. There is a group consisting of one man and two women (maybe mother and daughter, or possibly surrogacy?) and a woman alone. It is completely silent. No one is talking. There is no music. Most amazingly, there is no TV. DH sits back down and the group of three talk a little. We wait, and wait. The woman gets called back. More waiting.....and more. After a while, the group of three gets called back. Waiting...waiting. Another woman shows up, then another couple. They say "Hallo" when they come in. (Oops, guess we were supposed to do that. Oh, well.) More waiting. Finally, after about an hour (not exaggeration, by the way), we get shown into another room.
This room is about the same size as the waiting room and the nurse is in there. She looks like what you imagine nurses to be. White shoes, white shirt, white coat, white pants, white watch. And she has a green scarf. So, we sit in there a while longer, watching the nurse walking between this room and the doctor's office, which is next door. After another ten to fifteen minutes, we are shown into the doctor's office. He introduces himself by his last name only (This must be a German thing.) and we sit down.
Then the questions. First, why are you here? I said the only thing that made sense to me, that I want to have a baby and haven't been able to get pregnant so far. Then the medical questions. Any surgeries? No. Any pregnancies? No. Have you been on Clomid? Yes. How many cycles. Six. You've had the HSG? Yes. And your tubes were clear? Yes, from what I've been told. Was it painful? Yes.
When was the start of your last cycle? Today. I really thought, as I always seem to, that the last cycle was The One. I ovulated on my own in a reasonable amount of time. (Or seemed to.) I was two days late. Some of my PMS symptoms weren't there, and there were some other symptoms that made me hopeful. Alas, it was not to be. I just kept holding on to this appointment as my hope for the future, at least when it comes to making babies.
Now DH's turn. He's pretty good, thankfully. Herr Doktor seems happy with him. At least one of us is okay.
Herr Doktor talks to us about PCOS. He says he's going to put me on FSH. There will be a pen, I will do injections daily. We'll have an ultrasound in a week. Since it's CD1, they can do blood tests without having to wait, so the nurse will take my blood and then we're to stop by the secretary's and schedule the ultrasound.
Another difference from military treatment facilities (MTFs) is that the doctor's nurse is the one taking my blood. At an MTF, they would put the order in and then you would head over to the lab and sit in another waiting room and have the blood draw there. It's kind of nice not to have to go to another office, especially when I am not yet familiar with this hospital. I have a feeling I will get to know it though.
Then we stop by the secretary's office and schedule the ultrasound. 7 a.m. Ugh. I don't have to get up early, and so usually I avoid it. I think this will be worth the effort though. Prescriptions in hand, DH and I head out and get some lunch. I'll go and get the meds after eating something and going home and taking some Advil for these cramps.
So, that was the appointment this morning. And that's what I'm posting for today. I'll get to the pharmacy fun times tomorrow. I'm glad we've finally gotten to this point. It's been a long road, with several unexpected turns. I have hope that there is an end in sight to this path and a new road on the horizon.
CD 1
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