More spotting this morning when I got up and this morning. I've been feeling slightly crampy if I get up and do anything, so my plan is to stay very still today. The spotting seems to have tapered off, but if it doesn't stop, I'll be calling Herr Doktor's office.
Please, please, don't let me lose this thing that it's taken me so long to get.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Meine zarten Zustand oder my delicate condition
DH and I have been referring to the state I'm in as my "delicate condition." I'm still not comfortable with the p word. It's been kind of a joke because I have never thought of myself as delicate. I have never broken a bone since I have the skeletal structure of a Russian beet farmer's wife. I rarely get sick. I never throw up, unless I have too much to drink, but that hasn't happened in quite a while.
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| This may or may not be a picture of me. Photo courtesy of http://jillybchronicles.wordpress.com/category/pets/ |
Apparently though, my condition is more delicate than I realized. We have been helping some friends move the past few days. After about two hours, I am worn out. Any more than that, and I start cramping and lightly spotting. I am having to take it a little easier and make some changes. I still haven't really told anyone, so while I sat down and rested, the other people helping with the move looked at me wondering why I was slacking.
I want to keep being active during this pr...phase of life, but also need to keep in mind that I am not the only one I am looking out for right now. I actually am in a somewhat delicate condition, much to my continued astonishment.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Infertility has changed me.
I finally have that BFP but it hasn't really sunk in. I just stopped charting today. I still occasionally POAS, just to check. I'm nervous because I haven't had any nausea. The only symptoms I've had are sore, slowly enlarging, boobs and a slower run time.
DH and I went in on Thursday for another ultrasound. Herr Doktor wanted to make sure there wasn't an ectopic pregnancy going into the long weekend. (The Germans have a four day this weekend because of Easter.) I now have a gestational sac that measured 9.2 mm. My beta was 6269 on Thursday, so that's progressing okay. Even with all of that, I can't claim the P word. I can't say it out loud.
I had coffee with a friend yesterday who is 7 weeks along. She was talking about how long it took (10 months) and how she's sort of obsessed because she's still doing the POAS thing and has eight pregnancy tests still at home. I think I have about forty. But, the thing that really struck me is that she's still confident she's pregnant. She hasn't heard a heartbeat yet or even had an ultrasound, just positive blood and urine tests. But, she knows she's really pregnant. She is sure of that fact.
I, on the other hand, do not think of myself that way, and probably won't until there's a heartbeat. Right now, I have a gestational sac and I can manage to get BFPs on home tests. I still find myself looking enviously at strollers and little kids toddling around playgrounds. Swollen bellies still throw me off. Hearing someone else's good news still makes me feel that happy for them, sad for me, thing. I actually had to remind myself the other day not to have a beer with dinner. It's a surreal feeling, like I'm having a boring dream with an exciting background note.
Infertility has indeed changed me. I don't think I will be confident until I bring a healthy baby home.
And that's when the real worrying starts.
I finally have that BFP but it hasn't really sunk in. I just stopped charting today. I still occasionally POAS, just to check. I'm nervous because I haven't had any nausea. The only symptoms I've had are sore, slowly enlarging, boobs and a slower run time.
DH and I went in on Thursday for another ultrasound. Herr Doktor wanted to make sure there wasn't an ectopic pregnancy going into the long weekend. (The Germans have a four day this weekend because of Easter.) I now have a gestational sac that measured 9.2 mm. My beta was 6269 on Thursday, so that's progressing okay. Even with all of that, I can't claim the P word. I can't say it out loud.
I had coffee with a friend yesterday who is 7 weeks along. She was talking about how long it took (10 months) and how she's sort of obsessed because she's still doing the POAS thing and has eight pregnancy tests still at home. I think I have about forty. But, the thing that really struck me is that she's still confident she's pregnant. She hasn't heard a heartbeat yet or even had an ultrasound, just positive blood and urine tests. But, she knows she's really pregnant. She is sure of that fact.
I, on the other hand, do not think of myself that way, and probably won't until there's a heartbeat. Right now, I have a gestational sac and I can manage to get BFPs on home tests. I still find myself looking enviously at strollers and little kids toddling around playgrounds. Swollen bellies still throw me off. Hearing someone else's good news still makes me feel that happy for them, sad for me, thing. I actually had to remind myself the other day not to have a beer with dinner. It's a surreal feeling, like I'm having a boring dream with an exciting background note.
Infertility has indeed changed me. I don't think I will be confident until I bring a healthy baby home.
And that's when the real worrying starts.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Daumen drehen oder twiddling thumbs
I have an appointment for Thursday with Herr Doktor for another ultrasound. Until then, I'll just be twiddling my thumbs.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Beta #2 and ultrasound/Ultrawelle
Monday has finally arrived. I don't think I've ever looked so forward to a Monday. DH and I went in together for the latest appointment with Herr Doktor, since Herr Doktor's secretary said we would be doing an ultrasound. Which we did. But, there was nothing to see. I saw the uterus, and it looked pretty much like it always does. We did not see anything in there though. Herr Doktor thinks it's too early, but he said, "I am convinced there is a pregnancy," which did make me feel better. I need to find out how to say congratulations in German, because the woman who was in the office before me is graduating to an OB and she looked so happy, I just wanted to say something. I smiled instead.
Meanwhile, I have continued to POAS most mornings and am still getting BFPs. The lines are getting progressively darker, so I'm still hopeful. It was a bit of a letdown though, not to see anything in there. I'll get the results of the beta this afternoon. Based on my last one, I'm hoping for 1,500 or higher. I'm trying not to focus on getting through the next week, which is how long I think it will be before the next appointment, but getting through the next few hours. This is proving difficult.
I went to the bakery and got some quarkbällchen for breakfast. I think I'll work on the Rosetta Stone for a while. Then I'll watch some TV and do some sewing. I am sewing a pocket onto a baby carrier for someone in our church. I'm doing the sewing by hand because it's easier than fussing with the carrier in the sewing machine. This woman, by the way, is one who got pregnant while "not even trying", is suffering through the long seven weeks that her husband is gone, and offered to let me borrow a dress for the ball, and when I pointed out that we aren't the same size, she let me know she wore it while pregnant, so it would probably fit me. Yeah. I don't know why I'm doing this little job for her, but I can tell you, it's not because I want her to be my best friend.
Enough complaining about fertiles (for now). I'll post an update with the beta once I get it. Fingers crossed!
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Update: Beta 2426! Doubling time of 37.97 hours. I was hoping for anything over 1500, so I'm pretty stoked. Back to Herr Doktor on Thursday for another ultrasound.
Meanwhile, I have continued to POAS most mornings and am still getting BFPs. The lines are getting progressively darker, so I'm still hopeful. It was a bit of a letdown though, not to see anything in there. I'll get the results of the beta this afternoon. Based on my last one, I'm hoping for 1,500 or higher. I'm trying not to focus on getting through the next week, which is how long I think it will be before the next appointment, but getting through the next few hours. This is proving difficult.
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| A seven week deployment, huh? Photo credit: dramaqueenmoments.tumblr.com/bitchplease |
Enough complaining about fertiles (for now). I'll post an update with the beta once I get it. Fingers crossed!
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Update: Beta 2426! Doubling time of 37.97 hours. I was hoping for anything over 1500, so I'm pretty stoked. Back to Herr Doktor on Thursday for another ultrasound.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Frivol Freitag oder Frivolous Friday: Doctor Who
Nerd Alert
I love Doctor Who. I am not really a sci-fi fan, but Doctor Who is the exception.
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| Yeah, I have to say, I agree with this. Photo credit: scifi.icanhascheezburger.com |
If you do not know what Doctor Who is, you are not alone. It is a BBC show about a Time Lord (alien) that travels in time and space and always has a human companion with him on his adventures. The thing about it that makes it unique is that it started 49 years ago. It's come and gone over the last five decades, but it seems to be going strong right now.
My favorite Doctor is David Tennant. He wasn't the first that I saw, but he quickly grew on me and now I'm a total fan. Not as bad as some, I'm sure, but probably not totally balanced. DT left the show a couple of years ago and Matt Smith took over. I don't like him quite as much, but he's pretty good.
All of this to say that I was able to buy a really cool Doctor Who coffee mug from ThinkGeek.com a couple of days ago. It had been out of stock for about three weeks and was finally in. Nerd-gasm! I am waiting with bated breath for it to come in. It's a little smaller than the mugs I have right now, so it will also help me cut back on caffeine. Total win!
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| This awesome mug will soon be mine! Bwahahaha! Available at ThinkGeek.com |
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Fertiles!
Rant alert.
There's something that some fertiles do that drives me crazy. They find out they are pregnant, and then they tell you and others around, but they say it's early and it's a secret.
Keeping it secret, I understand. Telling everyone, I understand. Telling a few select people, I understand. But, why say, "I'm pregnant, but it's kind of a secret," to someone you barely know? I do not understand this. If you are telling any person that you happen to know that you are pregnant, it's not a secret! Do people understand the meaning of that word anymore?
Fricking fertiles.
There's something that some fertiles do that drives me crazy. They find out they are pregnant, and then they tell you and others around, but they say it's early and it's a secret.
Keeping it secret, I understand. Telling everyone, I understand. Telling a few select people, I understand. But, why say, "I'm pregnant, but it's kind of a secret," to someone you barely know? I do not understand this. If you are telling any person that you happen to know that you are pregnant, it's not a secret! Do people understand the meaning of that word anymore?
Fricking fertiles.
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