Dankbar Donnerstag: Willkommen oder Welcome

She's here! It's hard to believe that the baby I've hoped and prayed and waited for so long is here, sleeping like an angel in her bassinet. (She's tired from the five hour nurse/cry session last night.)

She did not come on 12/12/12. She came on 12/15/12, or as the Germans write it, 15/12/12.

I went in for my appointment on Thursday last week. At that point I was 10 days overdue. Dr. H said that it was probably best to induce, that waiting for labor to start on its own after 10 days was not usually the best course of action. Since very little was happening, we agreed. DH had insisted that we pack everything in the car for the doctor's appointment. I didn't want to, but we did and since we had everything, I was admitted and we started the induction.

At 11 am on Thursday the 13th, I was given my first dose of Cytotec orally. I was monitored every couple of hours for about 30 minutes to see how things were going. Nothing happened. I think that the midwife who gave me the first dose neglected to tell me how to take it because when I was given my second dose at 4 pm, I was told to put it under my tongue and let it dissolve. We did a few more rounds of monitoring, the last of which showed that I was having 30 second contractions about 3 to 4 minutes apart, which apparently aren't effective. Then I was able to go to bed and sleep from about 11 pm to when I woke up at 6 am the next morning. I didn't get a ton of sleep and was having contractions, but I managed a little.

When I went in for monitoring, my contractions had picked up and were effective. They were closer to a minute long and still 3 to 4 minutes apart. At about 8 that morning, I called my doula and she came down to help. I was still monitored every couple of hours at that point and things were moving, but not quickly. Then, the contractions started to taper off and everything slowed down. I was dilating, but very slowly and the contractions were ebbing away. Sometime in the afternoon of Friday the 14th I made the decision to start pitocin. I was given a low dose and moved to the labor room (before I had been in my hospital room) and under constant monitoring. The contractions started getting more intense. The pitocin was turned up. At one point, they broke my water. The contractions became nearly unbearable. At some point I vomited. At about 11 pm Friday night, I went ahead and got the epidural. I had really wanted to avoid this, but I was insensible with pain. After the epidural, things became much more manageable. I could still feel the contractions, mostly, but they didn't leave me screaming and crying. I had dilated to about 3 cm at this point.

DH and my doula were awesome. DH held my hand and slow danced with me and kept me drinking water and was a rock. When I was insensible with pain from the pitocin, DH helped me decide what to do. He was so amazing I can't even express it. And my doula was fantastic. If you ever wonder about whether a doula is a good idea or worth the money, I have to tell you that having her there was such a comfort to me, especially when I couldn't have my mom there. She was a fantastic advocate and I would hire her again in a heartbeat.

After the epidural and another check and maybe an hour or so, Dr H came in a told me that he thought I should have a c-section. I'm a little embarrassed by my reaction. I was laying in bed and screamed, "Noooo!" It's everything that I was hoping to avoid. We are moving starting January 2nd and the thought of moving with a newborn and recovering from a c-section had terrified me for weeks. I could not imagine that becoming a reality.

My doula was incensed and lit into Dr H. I didn't like the way she fought with him, but I was glad she was speaking out for me. I kept saying to DH, "I don't want a c-section! I don't want a c-section!" and he said back to me, "I know. I know!" It was a nightmare.

After some heated discussion, it was decided that we would wait two more hours and then see how things progressed and if the baby would move down into my pelvis so that she could put pressure on my cervix and open things up. So we waited. I squatted, I got on my hands and knees, my doula did rebozo sifting on my belly; we did everything. After about five hours, the midwife came back in and checked me again and said I had dilated to 5 cm, but the baby still hadn't dropped. She also was getting a swollen bump on her head from trying to get down into my pelvis and not being able to. I was exhausted. DH and the doula were as well. We had done all we could possibly do. The baby was not in distress, was still doing just fine with heart rate, but I was concerned that will that swelling if she wasn't born soon that she would be in distress. I have maintained throughout this pregnancy that the end result I'm looking for is a healthy baby. I decided to have the c-section.

I was in floods of tears. I cried while signing the consent form. I did not want to do it, but I felt like it was the best option. With the swelling on her head I didn't want to get further in and then have her in distress and end up doing a c-section anyway.

They rolled me into the operating room. I was numb from the waist down. I kept thinking to myself that here it is, my first time in a hospital, and I'm having surgery. It was all I could do to keep from weeping. They moved me over to a bed that had separate sections for my arms and legs and strapped me down. There was a curtain placed at my chest level. I felt someone washing my belly and upper thighs and someone shaving the top of my pubic hair. There were a ton of people in the operating room. DH was supposed to be there with me, but I couldn't find him. Eventually, I heard him say, "I'm here." He came and sat down next to me. Dr H started with the incision. I could feel that something was happening, but there was no pain. I felt some tugging and then a forearm pushing the baby down from where she was sitting around my rib cage. Dr H told DH to stand up, and then he must have pulled her out of me because DH looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "We're parents!" It was 5:40 Saturday morning, the 15th. The first thing I heard from the OR staff was "Schwer Mädchen". Heavy girl. There was a little delay while they cleaned her off, and then they brought her over to me and I got to look at her. She had a full head of dark hair and was looking at me inquisitively. Then, after maybe 30 seconds, they took her away and DH left and I was sew up. I was so exhausted from the previous two days, that I just closed my eyes.

After a while, they wheeled me over to another room and moved me onto my hospital bed using a lift. Then they took me back downstairs and into the room where I had been laboring. DH had the baby and handed her over to me and I fed her. She latched on right away and ate like a champ. After a little while, they wheeled me back to our room and I spent most of the day sleeping. I couldn't feel anything for several hours, and then when I could I wished for the numbness back. It was quite painful. The nurses got me out of bed that evening and had me walk a few steps. I was only wearing a sleep nursing bra and the lovely mesh panties and compression stockings. I had a catheter in. There is a large loss of dignity in birth.

The next few days were long. The last night in the hospital, the baby cried and cried. I discovered that I don't do well with a crying baby. We got home from the hospital on Tuesday. We had been there five days.

9lbs 11oz, 21.25 inches long oder
4400 grams, 54 centimenters long.

It's an adjustment. I love how cute she is, but I'm still getting to know her. I don't feel that overwhelming love that is talked about all of the time. Sometimes I wonder why I wanted this so badly. I tell myself that things will get better with time. I cry often. I'm trying. But, today, I am thankful. This is my Thankful Thursday. I am thankful for my little Bee.

Kopf nach unten und bewegen Belastungen oder head down and moving stresses

I meant to get to this earlier in the week, but it didn't happen. Fortunately (for you) I cannot sleep, so I'll write this post now!

Last week at my 37 week appointment spawnette was breech. Dr. H didn't have any suggestions as to what might help, so I talked to my doula and she gave me several suggestions. Monday night, I only slept about 3 hours in total. Tuesday I tried to get moxibustion (more on this later), but they were just doing acupuncture at the hospital. I did get in the chiropractor on Tuesday. I was also doing inversions, as suggested by my doula. And playing classical music in my pants (which DH thought was hilarious). And using a hot pack down low and an ice pack up high. And pushing on spawnette's head. And talking to her. Basically whatever I could come up with that was safe. Or, relatively.

Tuesday night I actually got some sleep, which was great after feeling like a zombie all day the day before. I woke up Wednesday feeling kind of crappy and weird, but went on with my day. I was able to get ahold of the midwives at my hospital on Wednesday morning and schedule the moxibustion. I can't find a good link for this, but if you google it, you'll find some descriptions. Basically, the practitioner takes an incense stick the size of a cigar of mugwort, gets it good and glowing, and holds it at the outside corner of your pinkie toe at your bladder 67 point. I did this while on my elbows and knees with a midwife at my hospital. After ten minutes, the midwife did a check with palpation and said the baby had turned. Then I sat on the heartbeat monitor for 20 minutes. Usually spawnette is very active, but she seemed to be tired and taking a nap. It was good enough for the midwives though.

Monday I went in for another appointment and Dr. H checked via ultrasound, and she had turned! I was so relieved. Now I'm a tiny bit paranoid that she'll decide to turn back, but I think it will be pretty hard for her to accomplish at this point.

This week has been very busy. I've been working since last week on getting food put away in the freezer for when spawnette arrives since we will be on our own. Monday I did some more cooking and was on my feet most of the day. Tuesday, I did acupuncture and my last appointment with the chiropractor until after the birth, as well as cleaning and then a murder mystery dinner with friends that night. I didn't sleep much Tuesday night because of what was coming on Wednesday.

Wednesday, DH and I drove up to the place we will be moving to at the beginning of February. We have to find housing there, and the sooner the better. The only snag is that with us not moving for a couple of months landlords, understandably, can be hesitant about waiting to get a place filled until then. I only got about five hours of sleep Wednesday night, broken into two segments. We left home at 7 am and returned about 4:30 pm. We looked at three places. None of them are as big as the place we are in now, but there were a couple that could work. The first place had an especially good location and parking spaces for two cars, which is a luxury in town. We asked about that place and the gal at the housing office called the landlady. She said she would have to talk it over with her husband. The second bedroom in that place is very small, but will work well for an infant. My hope is that they understand that and will be willing to wait for us. We are supposed to hear back tomorrow. Otherwise, we will possibly drive back up on Friday to see another place. I had really hoped Friday would be a day to relax. We'll see.

So, with the stress of that, I slept last night from 10 until about 2 this morning. At 2:30, I turned on my light and read for about 45 minutes. (DH and I are in separate beds until spawnette arrives. It's just too crowded with all the pillows I am using, and I move around way too much.) Then I tried to sleep for another 45 minutes. No dice. So, now I'm up writing this. It's about 5 am now. At 1 pm, we will have somewhere between 10 and 12 adults coming for Thanksgiving along with 4 or so babies and at least one kid. I am not cooking the turkey, thank heavens. I do have some things to make today, but I'm hoping everyone will be out of here by 6 pm.

So, that's been the last week or so. Sorry about the novel. I'm stressed by the moving situation and needed to get it out. I would like something to be resolved there so that I can get a good night's sleep before I have real reason to be up at all hours.

To my American friends, Happy Thanksgiving!

Dies und das oder this and that

Well, I've waded through most of the paperwork to get to my off post OB. I went to an OB brief on post last Wednesday and got the call yesterday that my referral was in, so I went back in and got my first appointment scheduled. I'll be seeing my OB for the first time on Monday.

In the military community I'm in, there is no military hospital. There's a rather large clinic, but there's no emergency room, so they send you off post for your OB care. There are two doctors that all of the American women get sent to. I did get my choice of docs and I've heard nothing but good about the one I will be going to. The hospital is supposed to be fantastic with acupuncture and massage and water birthing tubs. Also, Germans really don't encourage epidurals so that will be good for me. I've always wanted to go the more natural route. The only thing I'm having trouble with right now is finding a doula. DH is out of town for an exercise for the next couple of weeks, so he won't be able to make it to this first OB appointment, but I'd rather get under care sooner than wait for him to be able to come too.

My morning sickness hasn't been too bad, and even if it were, I wouldn't be complaining. I went for a run this morning and the pear that I ate did not stay down for long after I got home. Also, my run time is slowing down, but that's to be expected. I've been needing more sleep and my boobs have gotten noticeably bigger, which I'm not crazy about because I was already a D and now my old DD bras are getting tight. My running bras are really, really tight and I don't know if I'll be able to find a bigger size in those. Oh well.

I'm still spotting off and on. I think sleeping on my stomach is causing some of the problem, so I'm experimenting with staying off my stomach and seeing if that helps. It's never too bad, but it's really scary to be going through your day all happy and then to go to the bathroom and have a heart-stopping moment when you wipe and there's something there that wasn't supposed to be. It reminds me a lot of thinking that a cycle had worked, and then going to the bathroom and finding out I had gotten my period and my whole day being ruined. I never thought that bathroom time would be so integral to whether or not my day goes well.

During the OB brief, the nurse said that one woman had taken eight HPTs to make really sure she was pregnant. I just sort of laughed and said that I've gone through a 50 pack. I still take one every now and then, just to make sure. I know if something were to happen at this point that I would still get a positive for a while, but I just have to see that those lines are still there. Eight tests, what a laugh.

Anyway, that's what's going on here. What's going on with you?