Kopf nach unten und bewegen Belastungen oder head down and moving stresses

I meant to get to this earlier in the week, but it didn't happen. Fortunately (for you) I cannot sleep, so I'll write this post now!

Last week at my 37 week appointment spawnette was breech. Dr. H didn't have any suggestions as to what might help, so I talked to my doula and she gave me several suggestions. Monday night, I only slept about 3 hours in total. Tuesday I tried to get moxibustion (more on this later), but they were just doing acupuncture at the hospital. I did get in the chiropractor on Tuesday. I was also doing inversions, as suggested by my doula. And playing classical music in my pants (which DH thought was hilarious). And using a hot pack down low and an ice pack up high. And pushing on spawnette's head. And talking to her. Basically whatever I could come up with that was safe. Or, relatively.

Tuesday night I actually got some sleep, which was great after feeling like a zombie all day the day before. I woke up Wednesday feeling kind of crappy and weird, but went on with my day. I was able to get ahold of the midwives at my hospital on Wednesday morning and schedule the moxibustion. I can't find a good link for this, but if you google it, you'll find some descriptions. Basically, the practitioner takes an incense stick the size of a cigar of mugwort, gets it good and glowing, and holds it at the outside corner of your pinkie toe at your bladder 67 point. I did this while on my elbows and knees with a midwife at my hospital. After ten minutes, the midwife did a check with palpation and said the baby had turned. Then I sat on the heartbeat monitor for 20 minutes. Usually spawnette is very active, but she seemed to be tired and taking a nap. It was good enough for the midwives though.

Monday I went in for another appointment and Dr. H checked via ultrasound, and she had turned! I was so relieved. Now I'm a tiny bit paranoid that she'll decide to turn back, but I think it will be pretty hard for her to accomplish at this point.

This week has been very busy. I've been working since last week on getting food put away in the freezer for when spawnette arrives since we will be on our own. Monday I did some more cooking and was on my feet most of the day. Tuesday, I did acupuncture and my last appointment with the chiropractor until after the birth, as well as cleaning and then a murder mystery dinner with friends that night. I didn't sleep much Tuesday night because of what was coming on Wednesday.

Wednesday, DH and I drove up to the place we will be moving to at the beginning of February. We have to find housing there, and the sooner the better. The only snag is that with us not moving for a couple of months landlords, understandably, can be hesitant about waiting to get a place filled until then. I only got about five hours of sleep Wednesday night, broken into two segments. We left home at 7 am and returned about 4:30 pm. We looked at three places. None of them are as big as the place we are in now, but there were a couple that could work. The first place had an especially good location and parking spaces for two cars, which is a luxury in town. We asked about that place and the gal at the housing office called the landlady. She said she would have to talk it over with her husband. The second bedroom in that place is very small, but will work well for an infant. My hope is that they understand that and will be willing to wait for us. We are supposed to hear back tomorrow. Otherwise, we will possibly drive back up on Friday to see another place. I had really hoped Friday would be a day to relax. We'll see.

So, with the stress of that, I slept last night from 10 until about 2 this morning. At 2:30, I turned on my light and read for about 45 minutes. (DH and I are in separate beds until spawnette arrives. It's just too crowded with all the pillows I am using, and I move around way too much.) Then I tried to sleep for another 45 minutes. No dice. So, now I'm up writing this. It's about 5 am now. At 1 pm, we will have somewhere between 10 and 12 adults coming for Thanksgiving along with 4 or so babies and at least one kid. I am not cooking the turkey, thank heavens. I do have some things to make today, but I'm hoping everyone will be out of here by 6 pm.

So, that's been the last week or so. Sorry about the novel. I'm stressed by the moving situation and needed to get it out. I would like something to be resolved there so that I can get a good night's sleep before I have real reason to be up at all hours.

To my American friends, Happy Thanksgiving!

Hinterteil oder breech

Yesterday I went for my 37 week appointment. All was good. Baby's active, I'm feeling good. (I went for an eight and a half mile walk on Friday!) Everything was hunky-dory until Dr. H pulled out the ultrasound. He put the wand up on the right side of my abdomen underneath of my ribs and-BAM!-there was spawnette's head. Shit.

At 31 weeks she was head down, so at some point in the past month and a half, she has decided she likes being close to my heart. How sweet! But, also, not good in terms of a natural birth.

Dr. H said that we will take a look again next week, that she still has time to turn. He said that if she is still breech in ten days or so we'll have to schedule a C-section. Ugh.

I'm trying to keep the end in mind. I've been through this whole process looking for a healthy baby. She's healthy! (7 lbs 4 oz by yesterday's estimate and moving all the time.) In a few months or years, it won't matter how she got here, just that we have her. But....

I have thought about what it would be like to give birth for the longest time. For at least the eleven years DH and I have been married, and certainly some as a teenager and child surrounded by aunts who shared their birth stories often. I found a doula to help me through labor and delivery before my first trimester was over. I've been taking any birth classes offered and have read up on what to expect. German hospitals are supposed to be amazing for giving birth because they are almost like birthing centers in the States would be. They let you move around, they have water birth facilities, they give you walking epidurals. This is supposed to be a wonderful experience.

To have that all taken away and go straight to a C-section.....it just guts me. When other women are telling their harrowing tales of all the drama of birth, I would have to say, "Oh, she was breech. I had a C-section." It feels like a loss and a failure.

So, I'm doing headstands and playing music to my crotch and trying acupuncture and chiropractic help. I've got a cold pack strapped onto my belly where spawnette's head likes to hang out and am trying not to lean back and get comfortable, but instead to hang my belly down low and get her to turn. I'm hoping to God this works and I will get a chance to have my birth. Even if it's not perfect, even if it's messy and long and ends up in a C-section, I want the chance to try. I had to have major medical help to get this baby in here, but I'd like to get her out on my own.

So, anyone else doing headstands this week?

Befederung mein Nest oder feathering my nest

Thirty six weeks as of Monday. Last week I said to my husband, "Next month we are going to be parents." It's amazingly wonderful and amazingly terrifying at the same time. I keep wondering if I'm really ready for this and if it will be "the best thing we've ever done" as I have heard other people say. DH and I have been just the two of us for 11 years. We have a comfortable life and like each other. Call me selfish, but I'm really hoping that baby doesn't change that.

DH is gone this week for a TDY to Lithuania. It seems from his facebook updates he's having a good time. I'm enjoying a last few days on my own before things change for good. I spent the weekend at a quilt retreat, working on things for baby. Yesterday I finished the piecing on a Grandmother's Flower Garden that will be a good play mat. Today I'm aiming to get it basted and start the hand quilting. I'm hoping to have it ready, or nearly ready when spawnette arrives. Very ambitious of me. I also finished the blocks for a quilt guild project that I'll use for another baby quilt. That one I don't think will get done before she arrives. I'm in a sewing mood, trying to get things done before she comes, because I don't know if I will be able to get it done after before we move.

Oh yes, we are moving in February. Not far, just about an hour north of where we are now. I'm thankful it's not back to the States because in order for spawnette to be on DH's orders, there are a number of steps that have to happen, concluding with her getting a passport. And with a December baby, it's going to be a slow process. I'm hoping that we can get her passport before we move up and things are further complicated. Either way though, we can just drive up there whether she is on the orders or not. They will just need to be amended after the fact. The great news about the move though is that we will be able to get housing off post. The community we are moving to is trying to get lots of people on post, but we prefer living off, for a number of reasons. DH went up last week and talked to them and was able to get the paperwork for off post housing. Now, we just need to find a place so that we can schedule the movers and let our landlord here know that we are leaving and all the other details that go with moving. Oy.

So, I'm keeping busy wrapping things up and trying to get the house at a baseline of clean for the disaster of neglect that is sure to come. Next week I will start cooking meals to freeze. The car seats will be put in the cars. Soon I need to start packing my hospital bag. Bags. DH and I are trying to decide what to do for Thanksgiving. I'm out walking a few times a week for exercise. Things are just moving along.

Next month, I will be a mother. It's almost too much to wrap my head around.

Wahlzeit oder election time

I have only one thing to say about this election. I am really looking forward to it being over and being able to move on!

Loslassen oder Letting Go

I'm ready. I'm finally ready. I am ready to throw off the mantle of survivor guilt and embrace life going forward.

Since I got pregnant, I've been feeling guilty. About only having to do injectables, about only needing one cycle on them, about having a healthy pregnancy, about leaving others behind. No more. I am embracing what life has given me with open arms and moving out from that guilt mantle. (Guilt mantles are not nearly as pretty as gilt mantles.) I still identify as infertile and I'm still sharing what my experience has been with people, but I am no longer holding onto the shame I have felt.

Hopefully what this means is that I will be posting more often. I may start a new blog to get a fresh start. We'll see.

Thank you for listening and thank you for following along on my journey thus far.

28 Wochen und keine Komplikationen oder 28 weeks and no complications

This Monday was my 28 week appointment. I am now being hooked up to the heartbeat monitor for spawnette and contraction monitor for me at each appointment. It kind of looks like a medieval torture device, but thankfully doesn't feel that way. I spent the twenty minutes or so sewing some hexagons together for a Grandmother's Flower Garden quilt. It was a nice way to pass the time, listening to her heartbeat and sewing.

Not my Grandmother's Flower Garden,
but similar.

I gained not quite 2 kilograms between this appointment and the last one. This is the first time that I've actually gained any remarkable weight. I was not thin to start with, so Dr H hasn't been concerned. This time though, he came in and said, "Getting bigger, huh?" Yes, doctor, yes I am. Thanks for that.

All my tests from last time came back clear, which was great news. No gestational diabetes and no anemia! Those were the ones I was most worried about. Dr H asked me how the yeast infection was. I told him it seemed to have gone away with treatment, but I thought it was back. Sure enough, as soon as he put me in the stirrups he confirmed this. So, another round of treatment I go. I also bought some probiotic pills and some trink joghurt to maybe help this problem. So, I guess that's a little complication, but a very minor one. Mostly, it's really annoying.

Yum?

Labor Day weekend, DH, my house guest and I took the train up to Berlin. We had a really good time. It was exhausting though. We walked and walked. I went back Saturday and Sunday to the apartment we were staying in and took a nap in the afternoon. The apartment was another story in itself.

I did not realize Berlin is so....gay friendly. The neighborhood we were in seemed gay fetish friendly, specifically. There were gay fetish cruising bars and leather clothing on display all around. And our apartment was decorated in black and silver with hooks in the ceiling and chains in the loft for said hooks. Was the neighborhood safe? Yes. The usual type of neighborhood that I would stay in....no.

So, that's the update for now. The weather is starting to turn here and I am so glad. The weeks of 90+ weather were making me crazy. Now we head on into fall and crisp nights. I'm looking forward to snuggling under blankets instead of sweating on top of the sheets.

Now, here are some pictures from Berlin.

My cousin, playing with her food.

Starting off the morning right.

Potsdamer Platz in Berlin

The Holocaust Memorial

The Brandenburg Gate

Pregnant cartwheels

The view from the top of the Victory Column

A mosaic on the ceiling of Kaiser Wilhelm Church

25 Woche und Zählen oder 25 Weeks and Counting

Last Monday was my 24 week appointment. I got to do the glucose screen, which I have been dreading since the beginning. It was an eight hour fast before hand and then a one hour test. I had planned to walk around during the hour, but didn't get a chance because I saw Herr Doktor during the wait and it was super busy, so there was lots of waiting.

Mine was actually Johannisbeere
flavor, which I'm told is better.

When I went in the nurse asked me if I had had nothing to eat or drink in eight hours. I told her I had had some water. She looked very alarmed and asked me if I had had a lot of water. I think I had about 8 ounces. I told her no because I am not going to have to do this test again if I have anything to say about it. Then she weighed me. I told her just before she did that I've not been gaining weight. When she put me on the scale I had dropped 600 grams (a little over a pound) since the last appointment. She looked really alarmed at this and asked me if I have been eating, to which I responded, "Yes!" 

Herr Doktor listened for the spawnette's heartbeat, which was 150. It was funny because at one point he said, "A kick," and he didn't need to tell me. I had that one figured out. Then he checked my cervix, which looked good, and because I had been itchy, did a swab which came back as a yeast infection. Yay. All in all though, it went well.

My house guest is gone for a week to the States. She returns on Thursday. I've actually been really thankful she's not here because it is hot as balls and most of the time I'm just sitting around with underwear on and nothing else. Thank God I bought a one-room air conditioner, or I would not be getting any sleep at all. I've been enjoying the time to myself and spending lots of time sewing, which I haven't done in ages and used to do all of the time. I think it was something I needed to work back to. I'm also watching really bad TV, which I am always embarrassed to do when someone else is around.

Oh, and another thing about sitting around nearly naked is that I discovered my boobs are leaking. Clear fluid mostly, but sometimes it's orangish. I guess this is the beginnings of colostrum. I'm glad things are working, but it's pretty disconcerting!

Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be better and I am hoping the forecast isn't lying this time. It has been in the nineties since Friday, and with no A/C, it's a killer. DH and I spent the weekend lying around watching TV on our laptops because turning on the big TV creates too much heat. And we've been eating microwave meals because it's too hot to even think of turning on the stove. I think I have been gaining weight this week from all of the crap I'm eating.

So, that's a little update on what's going on here. Congratulations to Tracy at Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen on her long awaited BFP! Here's wishing her a safe and healthy pregnancy.