25 Woche und Zählen oder 25 Weeks and Counting

Last Monday was my 24 week appointment. I got to do the glucose screen, which I have been dreading since the beginning. It was an eight hour fast before hand and then a one hour test. I had planned to walk around during the hour, but didn't get a chance because I saw Herr Doktor during the wait and it was super busy, so there was lots of waiting.

Mine was actually Johannisbeere
flavor, which I'm told is better.

When I went in the nurse asked me if I had had nothing to eat or drink in eight hours. I told her I had had some water. She looked very alarmed and asked me if I had had a lot of water. I think I had about 8 ounces. I told her no because I am not going to have to do this test again if I have anything to say about it. Then she weighed me. I told her just before she did that I've not been gaining weight. When she put me on the scale I had dropped 600 grams (a little over a pound) since the last appointment. She looked really alarmed at this and asked me if I have been eating, to which I responded, "Yes!" 

Herr Doktor listened for the spawnette's heartbeat, which was 150. It was funny because at one point he said, "A kick," and he didn't need to tell me. I had that one figured out. Then he checked my cervix, which looked good, and because I had been itchy, did a swab which came back as a yeast infection. Yay. All in all though, it went well.

My house guest is gone for a week to the States. She returns on Thursday. I've actually been really thankful she's not here because it is hot as balls and most of the time I'm just sitting around with underwear on and nothing else. Thank God I bought a one-room air conditioner, or I would not be getting any sleep at all. I've been enjoying the time to myself and spending lots of time sewing, which I haven't done in ages and used to do all of the time. I think it was something I needed to work back to. I'm also watching really bad TV, which I am always embarrassed to do when someone else is around.

Oh, and another thing about sitting around nearly naked is that I discovered my boobs are leaking. Clear fluid mostly, but sometimes it's orangish. I guess this is the beginnings of colostrum. I'm glad things are working, but it's pretty disconcerting!

Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be better and I am hoping the forecast isn't lying this time. It has been in the nineties since Friday, and with no A/C, it's a killer. DH and I spent the weekend lying around watching TV on our laptops because turning on the big TV creates too much heat. And we've been eating microwave meals because it's too hot to even think of turning on the stove. I think I have been gaining weight this week from all of the crap I'm eating.

So, that's a little update on what's going on here. Congratulations to Tracy at Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen on her long awaited BFP! Here's wishing her a safe and healthy pregnancy.

Striving for contentment

In March I signed up for one of Cristy's fertility sock exchanges. I was in the midst of my first cycle with injectables. Cristy sets it up so that instead of giving and receiving socks with the same person, it's more of a chain where you receive from one person and give to another. Before I got my socks or had a chance to send mine out, I got my BFP and went on to have a positive beta the next week. Since that happened, one of my sock buddies has gotten pregnant and is in her second trimester with twins. The other has had an IUI that didn't result in pregnancy.

I've been reading lots of fertility blogs during my journey and many of the people that were TTCing when I started reading have gone on to get pregnant and are on the road to have healthy babies or already have their healthy baby. There are still several though who have not managed this, despite all of their best efforts and medical technology and hope and prayer. My sock buddy who has not conceived told me that she was self-isolating and trying to come to terms with what life has dealt her. I got the impression that it was, "Thanks for checking in, but it's too painful for me to talk to you and I need time to heal."

As I sit here, feeling the kicks of my daughter for the last hour or so, my heart breaks once again for those who have not been able to complete their journey to motherhood. (Not that my journey is over, mind you.) I want to be able to say to those people that they are not left behind in my mind. They are not less. They are still working through their journey to parenthood, or are working on making peace with being childless. They are still in my heart. I want to reach out and give comfort or a shoulder to cry on. I don't know how though. When I was still going through it, my mom would say to me that she knew I would have a baby. I know she was trying to comfort me, but I just wanted to lash out and say, "And what if I don't?! Don't tell me that everything will be alright when you don't know if that will happen. You can't guarantee that!"

Infertility has changed me and there are things that I don't think I'll ever take for granted. And I hope that if I meet someone, in person or online, who is struggling, that I will be able to say something besides, "Everything will be okay." Because sometimes, everything isn't okay. Sometimes life is really hard and things suck. Life is not fair. I think we all know this

But, I do believe that every person can get to a point where they are content with their life as it is, at least for a moment. And I hope that my interactions with others will be part of what makes a life of contentment, even if only for a moment. That's one good thing that has come out of my struggle with infertility.

Grief

My heart goes out today to Trisha at The Elusive Second Line who has lost her Maybe Baby at 9 weeks. There are no words.

Alles gut und schön oder all is good and well.

It's August already. I can hardly believe it.

Things have been uneventful around here. We went to a hay wagon festival a couple of weekends ago. They have an 800 meter (half mile) course set up in town and there are teams that push and pull the wagon loaded up with hay through the course. There's a couple of turns and they have to go around the water tower. The hard part is that there are two sections of about 10 feet of sand about 6 inches deep that they have to drag the wagons through. It's pretty entertaining.

My lovely house guest is still here and she has been wonderful. She's been cleaning and helping with stuff around the house and is a joy to have around. I will miss her when she goes in September.

The spawnette is kicking more and trying out some new stretches. I'm trying to get some sewing done on my big machine before my belly is too big. My uterus is already a couple of inches above my belly button!

The next doctor's appointment is the gestational diabetes screen, which I am not looking forward to. This is the test that I have been the most apprehensive about since it has such a high rate of false positives that lead to the dreaded three hour test. And, my doctor is having me do an eight hour fast before the test. Ugh.

Other than that, things are normal. I'm looking forward to fall and cooler weather which may lead to some clothes shopping because while pants are still fitting, they are getting uncomfortable and shirts are becoming too short. I'm working on the baby registry. DH and I bought a crib and dresser at Ikea last weekend. Things are moving along. All is well and good!

Aus dem Urlaub zurück oder back from vacation

Wow, it's been a long time since I've written. Since the last time DH and I went on a cruise in the Baltic Sea. We saw most of the Baltic capitals and even managed to go to the ballet in Saint Petersburg, which was amazing.

The week after we got back, it was time for the next OB appointment. This was the twenty week scan, so Dr. H took quite a while looking to make sure everything was measuring correctly. At this point they measure the circumference of the head and length of the femur to determine gestational age and any age within 10 days is considered normal. All the structures look normal. We could even see the bladder full of fluid because the spawn (that's our nickname) had been swallowing amniotic fluid. Then Dr. H told us what we had been anxiously waiting to hear: It's a girl! Both DH and I wanted a girl, so this is fantastic news!

I still don't feel like I look pregnant, just kinda fat. I think part of that is because I have been this big around before without a baby in there. I am still wearing my old pants, although my shirts are getting too short and I'm rotating some maternity tops in. I've gained less than five pounds since getting pregnant, but Dr. H doesn't seem concerned. That's just another thing that I love about German doctors.

I clearly have not been posting regularly, and don't know if I will get back to it or not. I feel like with the point of viability coming up in just a few more weeks I'm becoming confident at the prospect of bringing home a baby. If I keep writing, I think things will change a bit. Life is just different, although I still marvel at the fact that I'm pregnant and I think about how things were. Before one of our trips last month DH said to me that he realized that he hadn't woken up to the sound of the thermometer in a long time. It's a continual amazement.

So, I hope your summer is going well. Congrats to the ladies who finally have their BFPs out there! You've worked hard for it. Try to enjoy it. And those who haven't I'm rooting for you! I look forward to the day when I visit your blog and see your good news.

Happy Summer!

This is a Russian mosquito. We stayed in the room a lot in St. Petersburg.

I did cartwheels in most of the places we visited.
It just seemed like a fun thing to do!

I survey my queendom.

This was at the Vigeland Sculpture Park in Oslo.
One of the many interesting but slightly terrifying statues.

Geschäftigen Sommer oder busy summertime

I'm behind. It's been almost three weeks since my last post. Please forgive me, dear readers, (if there are indeed readers). Summer has barely even started and it's already been very busy!

The last post I talked about friends and family. I had a cousin visit for a week starting June 2nd. We went to the Heidelberg burning, and traveled down to Garmisch-Partenkirchen to see the Bavarian wonders. He's a new college graduate and has tons of energy and completely wore me out! I spent last week recovering.

This week, I am wrapping up the final details before our vacation next week. Do you want to know where we are going? On a cruise! We'll be traveling around the Baltic and I will be on the boat for my 30th birthday. Pretty exciting stuff. I'm sure there will be lots of pictures and maybe some good stories.

Other things that have been happening:

DH and I had interviews with three doulas in the area. When I say in the area, I mean within an hour from where we live. I had to search high and low, but I'm so glad that I did because now I actually have a choice. We had our last interview yesterday and are trying to make a decision by the end of the week. It's much harder to choose than I anticipated. Maybe it's because our medical care is usually dictated to us rather than giving us options. But it's free! Military health care is a blessing and a curse.

Speaking of medical issues, I have been having numbness down my right leg. That numbness begins tingling and sending electric pains if I stand or walk too long. I was feeling so great three weeks ago that I went on a run and have been having this problem ever since. So, it's biking and walking (when I can) for exercise right now. I've been seeing a chiropractor to help, and it seems to be making a difference. When I tried to get into physical therapy, I was sent on a circular wild goose chase that involved a few wasted hours in an ER and many tears of frustration on my part. When I asked my OB about it, he said it's normal and there's not much he can do or recommend. So, chiropractic it is, with hopefully an occasional massage thrown in. There are worse things.

And, speaking of the OB, I had my 16 week appointment yesterday. We did another ultrasound because it's only 35 euro and worth the money for the reassurance. The first thing Dr. H said to me was, "You're not feeling the baby move yet." Good to know. Everything was looking good. Heartbeat 150. Spawn was squirming and kicking on the ultrasound. (External for the first time, and I'm not sure I prefer it! The picture was much clearer with Wanda.) I got a note for the cruise, and our next appointment is on the 16th of June. Dr. H said that it looks like a spawnette, but I'm going to try my hardest to resist getting anything yet until the next time when things will be more clear. But I'm really hoping he's right!

So, that's what's going on. Next week, while DH and I are gone, another cousin will be arriving. She'll be with us for a while, but we're not sure how long yet. I'm sure that she and I will spend time together. No one except DH knows about this blog, so posts will probably continue to be few and far between. I am reading your blogs though!

This busy summertime will quickly enough ease into (hopefully) less busy fall. And then maybe I will be able to be more present. In the meantime, I hope you are enjoying your summer!

Dankbar Donnerstag oder Thankful Thursday: Loved Ones

Okay, what can I say? I said that I would be posting more and now a week and a half has gone by and I've been quiet. I suck.

Things going on here:

• It's been fairly warm. 
• I bought a (used) air conditioner and then went all around town looking for a vent hose. This is more complicated than it sounds and involved tears.
• I worked out six days in a week.
• One day I came out of the commissary and saw a cute guy smiling at me. I thought it was because I looked pretty, since I had actually done my hair and makeup. Then I got to my bike and found a piece of lettuce in my hair and figured that's why he was smiling. My salad sorting may have been a bit too vigorous.

Tornado Kartoffel

Today though, I'm thankful for friends and family. DH and I spent last Saturday in Mannheim at their Stadtfest (city fest) with some new friends. We ate our way through, getting fries and corn on the cob, and ice cream and "Tornado Kartoffel"  which was a potato that was spiral cut and shoved onto a stick and then fried. Fried things are good. (Even if "Tornado Potato" does sound better than "Tornado Kartoffel", you can't quibble with fried things.) We talked and laughed and enjoyed the beautiful day. This Saturday, my cousin is coming to visit and we will be going with the same friends to the Heidelberg Illumination. Then next week, we will be driving down to Bavaria to see the sites down there. 

I'm so happy to have friends here. It took a while to meet people, but it seems like once you get to know a few, more will wander into your sphere. It's wonderful to know people who think differently than you and different backgrounds. It enriches your life. That's one of the great things about the military is getting to know people you would never otherwise get an opportunity to meet.

A Bavarian town which will go unnamed for now

And family. My cousin is coming and a few weeks later, we expect his sister to visit for a couple of weeks. Being overseas, time with family is not the same as it used to be. My family is in Montana and it's an expensive and long flight to get over to see them, so it doesn't happen often. When I get to see family, it's a pleasure. For me, they are the people I've known my whole life (or theirs, for the younger ones) and we have similar backgrounds and upbringing. There are inside jokes and catching up on what's going on and honest and frank discussion about personal issues. 

So, I may continue sucking in the blogging department. I am reading your blogs, I'm just not tending mine. But for right now, while I've got friends and family around, that's okay.