Saturday, December 8, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Wie lange? oder How long?
How long? This is the question that I keep getting asked.
Today, December 3rd, is my due date. A little more than 38 weeks ago I had done my trigger shot and was just hoping that this would work, but not believing that it would. But it did! And here I sit, very pregnant, on the brink of one of the biggest changes that I will ever experience in my life. I still marvel at this fact.
So, how long? I never expected that I would give birth on or before my due date. In fact, when I was told December 3rd, I automatically thought December 10th. But modern medicine being what it is, I am behind the power curve and am expected to hurry up and perform!
When I went in for my appointment today, we did the normal non-stress test. Spawnette was deeper in than usual and a little lazy for the monitor, but still healthy enough that the doctor is happy. I'm getting really tired of those non-stress tests, let me tell ya! Dr. H checked my cervix, and everything is still closed up tight.
Then we did another ultrasound. She has not engaged in my pelvis, something that I could have told you without an ultrasound. Dr. H seemed concerned about this. He also said she is measuring at 8 lbs, 10 oz. This I take with a grain of salt that's about 2 lbs, the size that late term ultrasounds can be off (either way). He thinks that she may be too big to fit into my pelvis. I think that he doesn't realize that she's just not ready. He said we could wait, or do a trial labor, or schedule a c-section.
I'm still (relatively) comfortable and I'm in no hurry, so I said wait. I'm going back in on Thursday for another appointment, where I'm sure I'll be told that we should really consider some medical intervention.
Here's the thing: when my mom had me, I was born 20 days after her due date. Now, I suspect that there was some miscalculation and since there was no ultrasound done, that due date was a guess as much as anything. No question, I was overdue since I pooped while inside, but I was not huge. All of my aunts were overdue as well. This is a long(ha!)-standing tradition in my family. So, given that, I am content to wait. My plan is to wait until next Wednesday. To give myself and spawnette time, and also because how cool would it be if she was born on 12/12/12?
So, we will wait. And I will try to be polite, but insistent with my doctor. And try not to think too much about the what-ifs. And enjoy the last few days of freedom.
I'm not in a hurry, but I do look forward to meeting my daughter.
Today, December 3rd, is my due date. A little more than 38 weeks ago I had done my trigger shot and was just hoping that this would work, but not believing that it would. But it did! And here I sit, very pregnant, on the brink of one of the biggest changes that I will ever experience in my life. I still marvel at this fact.
So, how long? I never expected that I would give birth on or before my due date. In fact, when I was told December 3rd, I automatically thought December 10th. But modern medicine being what it is, I am behind the power curve and am expected to hurry up and perform!
When I went in for my appointment today, we did the normal non-stress test. Spawnette was deeper in than usual and a little lazy for the monitor, but still healthy enough that the doctor is happy. I'm getting really tired of those non-stress tests, let me tell ya! Dr. H checked my cervix, and everything is still closed up tight.
Then we did another ultrasound. She has not engaged in my pelvis, something that I could have told you without an ultrasound. Dr. H seemed concerned about this. He also said she is measuring at 8 lbs, 10 oz. This I take with a grain of salt that's about 2 lbs, the size that late term ultrasounds can be off (either way). He thinks that she may be too big to fit into my pelvis. I think that he doesn't realize that she's just not ready. He said we could wait, or do a trial labor, or schedule a c-section.
I'm still (relatively) comfortable and I'm in no hurry, so I said wait. I'm going back in on Thursday for another appointment, where I'm sure I'll be told that we should really consider some medical intervention.
Here's the thing: when my mom had me, I was born 20 days after her due date. Now, I suspect that there was some miscalculation and since there was no ultrasound done, that due date was a guess as much as anything. No question, I was overdue since I pooped while inside, but I was not huge. All of my aunts were overdue as well. This is a long(ha!)-standing tradition in my family. So, given that, I am content to wait. My plan is to wait until next Wednesday. To give myself and spawnette time, and also because how cool would it be if she was born on 12/12/12?
So, we will wait. And I will try to be polite, but insistent with my doctor. And try not to think too much about the what-ifs. And enjoy the last few days of freedom.
I'm not in a hurry, but I do look forward to meeting my daughter.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Kopf nach unten und bewegen Belastungen oder head down and moving stresses
I meant to get to this earlier in the week, but it didn't happen. Fortunately (for you) I cannot sleep, so I'll write this post now!
Last week at my 37 week appointment spawnette was breech. Dr. H didn't have any suggestions as to what might help, so I talked to my doula and she gave me several suggestions. Monday night, I only slept about 3 hours in total. Tuesday I tried to get moxibustion (more on this later), but they were just doing acupuncture at the hospital. I did get in the chiropractor on Tuesday. I was also doing inversions, as suggested by my doula. And playing classical music in my pants (which DH thought was hilarious). And using a hot pack down low and an ice pack up high. And pushing on spawnette's head. And talking to her. Basically whatever I could come up with that was safe. Or, relatively.
Tuesday night I actually got some sleep, which was great after feeling like a zombie all day the day before. I woke up Wednesday feeling kind of crappy and weird, but went on with my day. I was able to get ahold of the midwives at my hospital on Wednesday morning and schedule the moxibustion. I can't find a good link for this, but if you google it, you'll find some descriptions. Basically, the practitioner takes an incense stick the size of a cigar of mugwort, gets it good and glowing, and holds it at the outside corner of your pinkie toe at your bladder 67 point. I did this while on my elbows and knees with a midwife at my hospital. After ten minutes, the midwife did a check with palpation and said the baby had turned. Then I sat on the heartbeat monitor for 20 minutes. Usually spawnette is very active, but she seemed to be tired and taking a nap. It was good enough for the midwives though.
Monday I went in for another appointment and Dr. H checked via ultrasound, and she had turned! I was so relieved. Now I'm a tiny bit paranoid that she'll decide to turn back, but I think it will be pretty hard for her to accomplish at this point.
This week has been very busy. I've been working since last week on getting food put away in the freezer for when spawnette arrives since we will be on our own. Monday I did some more cooking and was on my feet most of the day. Tuesday, I did acupuncture and my last appointment with the chiropractor until after the birth, as well as cleaning and then a murder mystery dinner with friends that night. I didn't sleep much Tuesday night because of what was coming on Wednesday.
Wednesday, DH and I drove up to the place we will be moving to at the beginning of February. We have to find housing there, and the sooner the better. The only snag is that with us not moving for a couple of months landlords, understandably, can be hesitant about waiting to get a place filled until then. I only got about five hours of sleep Wednesday night, broken into two segments. We left home at 7 am and returned about 4:30 pm. We looked at three places. None of them are as big as the place we are in now, but there were a couple that could work. The first place had an especially good location and parking spaces for two cars, which is a luxury in town. We asked about that place and the gal at the housing office called the landlady. She said she would have to talk it over with her husband. The second bedroom in that place is very small, but will work well for an infant. My hope is that they understand that and will be willing to wait for us. We are supposed to hear back tomorrow. Otherwise, we will possibly drive back up on Friday to see another place. I had really hoped Friday would be a day to relax. We'll see.
So, with the stress of that, I slept last night from 10 until about 2 this morning. At 2:30, I turned on my light and read for about 45 minutes. (DH and I are in separate beds until spawnette arrives. It's just too crowded with all the pillows I am using, and I move around way too much.) Then I tried to sleep for another 45 minutes. No dice. So, now I'm up writing this. It's about 5 am now. At 1 pm, we will have somewhere between 10 and 12 adults coming for Thanksgiving along with 4 or so babies and at least one kid. I am not cooking the turkey, thank heavens. I do have some things to make today, but I'm hoping everyone will be out of here by 6 pm.
So, that's been the last week or so. Sorry about the novel. I'm stressed by the moving situation and needed to get it out. I would like something to be resolved there so that I can get a good night's sleep before I have real reason to be up at all hours.
To my American friends, Happy Thanksgiving!
Last week at my 37 week appointment spawnette was breech. Dr. H didn't have any suggestions as to what might help, so I talked to my doula and she gave me several suggestions. Monday night, I only slept about 3 hours in total. Tuesday I tried to get moxibustion (more on this later), but they were just doing acupuncture at the hospital. I did get in the chiropractor on Tuesday. I was also doing inversions, as suggested by my doula. And playing classical music in my pants (which DH thought was hilarious). And using a hot pack down low and an ice pack up high. And pushing on spawnette's head. And talking to her. Basically whatever I could come up with that was safe. Or, relatively.
Tuesday night I actually got some sleep, which was great after feeling like a zombie all day the day before. I woke up Wednesday feeling kind of crappy and weird, but went on with my day. I was able to get ahold of the midwives at my hospital on Wednesday morning and schedule the moxibustion. I can't find a good link for this, but if you google it, you'll find some descriptions. Basically, the practitioner takes an incense stick the size of a cigar of mugwort, gets it good and glowing, and holds it at the outside corner of your pinkie toe at your bladder 67 point. I did this while on my elbows and knees with a midwife at my hospital. After ten minutes, the midwife did a check with palpation and said the baby had turned. Then I sat on the heartbeat monitor for 20 minutes. Usually spawnette is very active, but she seemed to be tired and taking a nap. It was good enough for the midwives though.
Monday I went in for another appointment and Dr. H checked via ultrasound, and she had turned! I was so relieved. Now I'm a tiny bit paranoid that she'll decide to turn back, but I think it will be pretty hard for her to accomplish at this point.
This week has been very busy. I've been working since last week on getting food put away in the freezer for when spawnette arrives since we will be on our own. Monday I did some more cooking and was on my feet most of the day. Tuesday, I did acupuncture and my last appointment with the chiropractor until after the birth, as well as cleaning and then a murder mystery dinner with friends that night. I didn't sleep much Tuesday night because of what was coming on Wednesday.
Wednesday, DH and I drove up to the place we will be moving to at the beginning of February. We have to find housing there, and the sooner the better. The only snag is that with us not moving for a couple of months landlords, understandably, can be hesitant about waiting to get a place filled until then. I only got about five hours of sleep Wednesday night, broken into two segments. We left home at 7 am and returned about 4:30 pm. We looked at three places. None of them are as big as the place we are in now, but there were a couple that could work. The first place had an especially good location and parking spaces for two cars, which is a luxury in town. We asked about that place and the gal at the housing office called the landlady. She said she would have to talk it over with her husband. The second bedroom in that place is very small, but will work well for an infant. My hope is that they understand that and will be willing to wait for us. We are supposed to hear back tomorrow. Otherwise, we will possibly drive back up on Friday to see another place. I had really hoped Friday would be a day to relax. We'll see.
So, with the stress of that, I slept last night from 10 until about 2 this morning. At 2:30, I turned on my light and read for about 45 minutes. (DH and I are in separate beds until spawnette arrives. It's just too crowded with all the pillows I am using, and I move around way too much.) Then I tried to sleep for another 45 minutes. No dice. So, now I'm up writing this. It's about 5 am now. At 1 pm, we will have somewhere between 10 and 12 adults coming for Thanksgiving along with 4 or so babies and at least one kid. I am not cooking the turkey, thank heavens. I do have some things to make today, but I'm hoping everyone will be out of here by 6 pm.
So, that's been the last week or so. Sorry about the novel. I'm stressed by the moving situation and needed to get it out. I would like something to be resolved there so that I can get a good night's sleep before I have real reason to be up at all hours.
To my American friends, Happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Hinterteil oder breech
Yesterday I went for my 37 week appointment. All was good. Baby's active, I'm feeling good. (I went for an eight and a half mile walk on Friday!) Everything was hunky-dory until Dr. H pulled out the ultrasound. He put the wand up on the right side of my abdomen underneath of my ribs and-BAM!-there was spawnette's head. Shit.
At 31 weeks she was head down, so at some point in the past month and a half, she has decided she likes being close to my heart. How sweet! But, also, not good in terms of a natural birth.
Dr. H said that we will take a look again next week, that she still has time to turn. He said that if she is still breech in ten days or so we'll have to schedule a C-section. Ugh.
I'm trying to keep the end in mind. I've been through this whole process looking for a healthy baby. She's healthy! (7 lbs 4 oz by yesterday's estimate and moving all the time.) In a few months or years, it won't matter how she got here, just that we have her. But....
I have thought about what it would be like to give birth for the longest time. For at least the eleven years DH and I have been married, and certainly some as a teenager and child surrounded by aunts who shared their birth stories often. I found a doula to help me through labor and delivery before my first trimester was over. I've been taking any birth classes offered and have read up on what to expect. German hospitals are supposed to be amazing for giving birth because they are almost like birthing centers in the States would be. They let you move around, they have water birth facilities, they give you walking epidurals. This is supposed to be a wonderful experience.
To have that all taken away and go straight to a C-section.....it just guts me. When other women are telling their harrowing tales of all the drama of birth, I would have to say, "Oh, she was breech. I had a C-section." It feels like a loss and a failure.
So, I'm doing headstands and playing music to my crotch and trying acupuncture and chiropractic help. I've got a cold pack strapped onto my belly where spawnette's head likes to hang out and am trying not to lean back and get comfortable, but instead to hang my belly down low and get her to turn. I'm hoping to God this works and I will get a chance to have my birth. Even if it's not perfect, even if it's messy and long and ends up in a C-section, I want the chance to try. I had to have major medical help to get this baby in here, but I'd like to get her out on my own.
So, anyone else doing headstands this week?
At 31 weeks she was head down, so at some point in the past month and a half, she has decided she likes being close to my heart. How sweet! But, also, not good in terms of a natural birth.
Dr. H said that we will take a look again next week, that she still has time to turn. He said that if she is still breech in ten days or so we'll have to schedule a C-section. Ugh.
I'm trying to keep the end in mind. I've been through this whole process looking for a healthy baby. She's healthy! (7 lbs 4 oz by yesterday's estimate and moving all the time.) In a few months or years, it won't matter how she got here, just that we have her. But....
I have thought about what it would be like to give birth for the longest time. For at least the eleven years DH and I have been married, and certainly some as a teenager and child surrounded by aunts who shared their birth stories often. I found a doula to help me through labor and delivery before my first trimester was over. I've been taking any birth classes offered and have read up on what to expect. German hospitals are supposed to be amazing for giving birth because they are almost like birthing centers in the States would be. They let you move around, they have water birth facilities, they give you walking epidurals. This is supposed to be a wonderful experience.
To have that all taken away and go straight to a C-section.....it just guts me. When other women are telling their harrowing tales of all the drama of birth, I would have to say, "Oh, she was breech. I had a C-section." It feels like a loss and a failure.
So, I'm doing headstands and playing music to my crotch and trying acupuncture and chiropractic help. I've got a cold pack strapped onto my belly where spawnette's head likes to hang out and am trying not to lean back and get comfortable, but instead to hang my belly down low and get her to turn. I'm hoping to God this works and I will get a chance to have my birth. Even if it's not perfect, even if it's messy and long and ends up in a C-section, I want the chance to try. I had to have major medical help to get this baby in here, but I'd like to get her out on my own.
So, anyone else doing headstands this week?
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Befederung mein Nest oder feathering my nest
Thirty six weeks as of Monday. Last week I said to my husband, "Next month we are going to be parents." It's amazingly wonderful and amazingly terrifying at the same time. I keep wondering if I'm really ready for this and if it will be "the best thing we've ever done" as I have heard other people say. DH and I have been just the two of us for 11 years. We have a comfortable life and like each other. Call me selfish, but I'm really hoping that baby doesn't change that.
DH is gone this week for a TDY to Lithuania. It seems from his facebook updates he's having a good time. I'm enjoying a last few days on my own before things change for good. I spent the weekend at a quilt retreat, working on things for baby. Yesterday I finished the piecing on a Grandmother's Flower Garden that will be a good play mat. Today I'm aiming to get it basted and start the hand quilting. I'm hoping to have it ready, or nearly ready when spawnette arrives. Very ambitious of me. I also finished the blocks for a quilt guild project that I'll use for another baby quilt. That one I don't think will get done before she arrives. I'm in a sewing mood, trying to get things done before she comes, because I don't know if I will be able to get it done after before we move.
Oh yes, we are moving in February. Not far, just about an hour north of where we are now. I'm thankful it's not back to the States because in order for spawnette to be on DH's orders, there are a number of steps that have to happen, concluding with her getting a passport. And with a December baby, it's going to be a slow process. I'm hoping that we can get her passport before we move up and things are further complicated. Either way though, we can just drive up there whether she is on the orders or not. They will just need to be amended after the fact. The great news about the move though is that we will be able to get housing off post. The community we are moving to is trying to get lots of people on post, but we prefer living off, for a number of reasons. DH went up last week and talked to them and was able to get the paperwork for off post housing. Now, we just need to find a place so that we can schedule the movers and let our landlord here know that we are leaving and all the other details that go with moving. Oy.
So, I'm keeping busy wrapping things up and trying to get the house at a baseline of clean for the disaster of neglect that is sure to come. Next week I will start cooking meals to freeze. The car seats will be put in the cars. Soon I need to start packing my hospital bag. Bags. DH and I are trying to decide what to do for Thanksgiving. I'm out walking a few times a week for exercise. Things are just moving along.
Next month, I will be a mother. It's almost too much to wrap my head around.
DH is gone this week for a TDY to Lithuania. It seems from his facebook updates he's having a good time. I'm enjoying a last few days on my own before things change for good. I spent the weekend at a quilt retreat, working on things for baby. Yesterday I finished the piecing on a Grandmother's Flower Garden that will be a good play mat. Today I'm aiming to get it basted and start the hand quilting. I'm hoping to have it ready, or nearly ready when spawnette arrives. Very ambitious of me. I also finished the blocks for a quilt guild project that I'll use for another baby quilt. That one I don't think will get done before she arrives. I'm in a sewing mood, trying to get things done before she comes, because I don't know if I will be able to get it done after before we move.
Oh yes, we are moving in February. Not far, just about an hour north of where we are now. I'm thankful it's not back to the States because in order for spawnette to be on DH's orders, there are a number of steps that have to happen, concluding with her getting a passport. And with a December baby, it's going to be a slow process. I'm hoping that we can get her passport before we move up and things are further complicated. Either way though, we can just drive up there whether she is on the orders or not. They will just need to be amended after the fact. The great news about the move though is that we will be able to get housing off post. The community we are moving to is trying to get lots of people on post, but we prefer living off, for a number of reasons. DH went up last week and talked to them and was able to get the paperwork for off post housing. Now, we just need to find a place so that we can schedule the movers and let our landlord here know that we are leaving and all the other details that go with moving. Oy.
So, I'm keeping busy wrapping things up and trying to get the house at a baseline of clean for the disaster of neglect that is sure to come. Next week I will start cooking meals to freeze. The car seats will be put in the cars. Soon I need to start packing my hospital bag. Bags. DH and I are trying to decide what to do for Thanksgiving. I'm out walking a few times a week for exercise. Things are just moving along.
Next month, I will be a mother. It's almost too much to wrap my head around.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Wahlzeit oder election time
I have only one thing to say about this election. I am really looking forward to it being over and being able to move on!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Loslassen oder Letting Go
I'm ready. I'm finally ready. I am ready to throw off the mantle of survivor guilt and embrace life going forward.
Since I got pregnant, I've been feeling guilty. About only having to do injectables, about only needing one cycle on them, about having a healthy pregnancy, about leaving others behind. No more. I am embracing what life has given me with open arms and moving out from that guilt mantle. (Guilt mantles are not nearly as pretty as gilt mantles.) I still identify as infertile and I'm still sharing what my experience has been with people, but I am no longer holding onto the shame I have felt.
Hopefully what this means is that I will be posting more often. I may start a new blog to get a fresh start. We'll see.
Thank you for listening and thank you for following along on my journey thus far.
Since I got pregnant, I've been feeling guilty. About only having to do injectables, about only needing one cycle on them, about having a healthy pregnancy, about leaving others behind. No more. I am embracing what life has given me with open arms and moving out from that guilt mantle. (Guilt mantles are not nearly as pretty as gilt mantles.) I still identify as infertile and I'm still sharing what my experience has been with people, but I am no longer holding onto the shame I have felt.
Hopefully what this means is that I will be posting more often. I may start a new blog to get a fresh start. We'll see.
Thank you for listening and thank you for following along on my journey thus far.
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